All my life, I’ve always tried to do the right thing, I’ve always been kind. Sometimes I find myself in a state where I’m trying to do the right thing, kind of out of the blue, it’s not me who does it, it’s something inside me. It’s often embarrassing in retrospect because I had no control over it in a way.
They say DNA thinks and makes decisions, I don’t know if it is, but there’s something inside me that I experience as God then, so I don’t think Jesus was completely cool with God being something outside of yourself, even though it says in the Bible that he said that God is inside you. I think he used it a little to get to know you. This thing that’s inside you then, it’s neither supernatural nor has power over the universe other than that it can influence people through you, but it’s definitely alive. I feel like it’s something alive.
Jesus was probably violent once in this temple too where he said that people shouldn’t turn it into a gambling den, or at least had an outburst where he used a whip made of leather straps. It is known that he lost his temper once too. I do not mean that he was violent, probably a bit exaggerated, but I know that the Romans had an emergency meeting about him and had him crucified after that episode in the temple.
What I have found out about this thing that is inside me, is that love is the greatest, even if it feels like you are being stupid sometimes and losing control, it uses me to show love. It is inside us all, some have it stronger.
I think Jesus and the church have used it a bit to get known, it appeals to people who want to sin, because they can get forgiveness, but since it is only inside you, it is perhaps not so much about forgiveness, but that you miss out on the good things in life. What I experience myself is that if I am in pain, I can pray inside myself and get better, and that even though the outside world may be hard, life can still feel like paradise thanks to what is inside you.
I can give another example, when I was 15, I wanted to sing and I was surrounded by Christians, but since I wasn’t a Christian myself, I wasn’t good enough. I’ve sung a lot since then, but it never worked out with that group, it shows that Jesus and the church are more for sinners, I have nothing against that, I also think that it’s a bit like that if you just do what you want your whole life and sin continuously, then you won’t necessarily get forgiveness in the end. It’s a question of how far you’ve gone.
But as I said, I don’t believe God is either supernatural or outside your body, it doesn’t have power over the universe, but it can influence people through you. I also think that Jesus used this to get known. It may sound strange, but there is definitely something inside you that thinks and makes decisions