I have always tried to be the kindest person that I possibly can be to anyone but so many people have hurt me in the past, physically and emotionally. I was bullied as a child. I’ve experienced physical assaults. I’ve had people accuse me of doing things I didn’t do and spreading rumours and lies about me. The least goes on. I don’t have any friends because I can’t bring myself to risk being hurt again and I find it very difficult to forgive those who have hurt me in the past. How can I move past this?? I’ve tried counselling but I’m praying for a biblical answer. I recently became a born again Christian hoping God can show me the way but I don’t know where to start with the Bible.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending what happened was okay. It means releasing the burden to God, trusting Him to deal justly with those who’ve wronged you (Romans 12:19), and asking Him to guard your heart from bitterness (Ephesians 4:31–32).
You’re not alone in this. Keep praying. Keep opening the Bible. And ask the Lord to soften your heart, not for their sake…But for YOURS.
Also, I’ve been here. I held onto hate and blame for so long.
The second I forgave…I’ve never felt better in my life.
Bitterness really does harden the heart. I didn’t realize how much until I released it from my life.
Forgiveness is about restoring a relationship. If the offending person asks the person he has offended to forgive him, then forgiveness can be given. However, people seldom ask for forgiveness because they seldom think they have done anything wrong.
Real forgiveness cannot be extended unilaterally. It is better to consider forbearance. Overlooking an offense is useful because it allows you to see an offender as someone who is ignorant and to be avoided. Overlooking an offense allows you to be free from the ignorance of others. Holding on to resentment and anger only ties us to an event or person that can continue to poison us.
Forgiveness is an Imperative.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9
Understanding God’s Forgiveness
As we reflect on God’s forgiveness, we see His love and mercy at work. Forgiveness is a precious gift given to us. It reminds us that no matter how far we stray or how deeply we fall, God’s grace is always available. We are reassured that our mistakes do not define us, but rather, His faithfulness does. God’s willingness to forgive teaches us the importance of humility and the need for repentance. If we turn to Him, we can find comfort and strength, knowing that He is always ready to embrace us back into His arms. Embracing this forgiveness allows us to let go of our guilt and shame, moving us closer to Him.
Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, let us reason together,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” – Isaiah 1:18
Psalm 103:12
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” – Psalm 103:12
Mica 7:18
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” – Micah 7:18
Colossians 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13
Ephesians 1:7
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” – Ephesians 1:7
The Importance of Repentance
Repentance is an essential aspect of receiving God’s forgiveness. It is the act of turning away from our sins and acknowledging our shortcomings. We should not be afraid to admit when we have done wrong. God’s grace assures us that genuine repentance opens the door for forgiveness. In seeking His mercy, we are reminded that it is never too late to return to Him. This journey of repentance is not just a one-time event but a continual process that helps us grow in faith and in our relationship with God. As we repent, we find peace and healing that allows us to move forward.
2 Chronicles 7:14
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14
Acts 3:19
“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” – Acts 3:19
Luke 5:32
“I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” – Luke 5:32
Mark 1:15
“The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news.” – Mark 1:15
Proverbs 28:13
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13
Forgiveness as a Gift
Forgiveness is not always easy, but as we receive God’s grace, we are called to extend that same grace to others. This reflects the depth of our relationship with Him. When we realize the weight of our own sins and the magnitude of God’s forgiveness, our hearts become open to forgiving those who have wronged us. We understand that forgiveness is a powerful gift that can heal relationships and mend broken hearts. It allows us to move forward without carrying the burden of anger or resentment. In forgiving others, we imitate God’s love and mercy, which blesses not only us but those around us.
Matthew 6:14-15
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” – Luke 6:37
Matthew 18:21-22
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” – Matthew 18:21-22
James 5:16
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” – James 5:16
Romans 12:17-19
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:17-19
God’s Unfailing Love
God’s forgiveness is a testament to His unfailing love. No matter our past, His love never ceases. We are reminded that He is always there, ready to forgive and welcome us back. This divine love empowers us to embrace hope and healing in our lives. When we face challenges or find ourselves straying, we can take comfort knowing that God will always be there, returning us to Him with open arms. His love is steadfast, and because of this love, we can always seek forgiveness and reassurance that He cares for us. This gives us the confidence we need to share that love with those around us.
Psalm 86:5
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” – Psalm 86:5
Romans 5:8
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8
Lamentations 3:22-23
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22-23
Galatians 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20
J.
Everybody finds true forgiveness a challenge. You’re not alone in this. The reason we are commanded to forgive (and from the heart) is because God has forgiven us. Think about that. Think about how much you’ve been forgiven.
Our feelings get in the way. We may want to forgive, but find it difficult because of how we feel. None the less it begins with the choice to forgive. Here’s a method I’ve found helpful and was shown to me. Don’t expect an overnight miracle. You stick with it.
First, tell God you choose to forgive so and so and what they did that hurt you. Second, tell God exactly how this made you feel. Don’t hold back. Name every emotion and current hurt.
God knows how you feel anyways so anything you say will not be a surprise to Him. Then ask God to help your feelings line up with your decision to forgive.
A good example of forgiveness was told by Jesus. It’s found in Matthew 18:23-35. If you have any trouble understanding this parable, please ask.