I’m very lost and need advice

[Meii]

I’m kind of in a situation where I can only speak once so whatever the reply is I’ll see it but I can’t respond situation wise. I don’t know where to start but I’m very stuck and I need as much advice and support as possible. Be harsh even as long as there’s love. I just need as much responses as possible because I’m really stuck.

Im 17 and in a situation where my sin has possible legal repercussions. I saw a pastor recently and it gave me some peace on my situation it was truly a comfort nothing was finalized but I won’t lie the weight or the option to turn myself in for my sin still feels strong. And it’s either I know it’s god and I’m lying to myself or I genuinely don’t know whether its god or me being really guilty. I can’t discern for myself and I’m not sure I want to because if I do turn myself in- well nobody wants to go to jail. I understand reaping what’s sown and actions having consequences but it still terrifies me. I’ve been frozen in this decision for years and I’ve been mostly on the not turning myself in side of things and for a while it just didn’t feel right- so I’m really unsure. But even if it came down to it- I am a straight up coward and I am afraid to lose everything. I’m just so lost on what to do. When I left that meeting with the pastor I won’t lie I was so relieved I may not have to go to jail and like I could finally trust what someone was saying to an extent but at the same time the weight hasn’t fully left and i could have possibly taken the pastors words like scripture. I’m just so lost and I haven’t been able to resolve this for years. I don’t know what god wants me to do. Or even what god wants to do with me at this rate. I’m tired of the uncertainty and anxiety and I’m also terrified of what the right thing might require of me. At the end of the day I might have to figure for myself and I’m terrified but I need to get to the point where I’m past this and remove all the curtains of confusion and the lying to myself . What should I do? How do I tell what god wants from me by myself when I can be lying to myself and am just not ready to do what it takes?

I’m still speaking with my pastor I trust but I wasn’t entirely truthful so in my follow up I will also have to explain things as they are and I worry the answer will change - the scheduling has been crazy even because I might have to reschedule to fit my schedule and I’ve already called them and gone over so many times to ask about scheduling you’d think I lived there so I’m even hesitant to call back when they’re open again but might have to. (We already finalized a day and time)

I don’t think I’m going to make it to get past this point. I think I’m gonna keep failing god keep doing what the devil wants and I’ll never be where I want . I’m still doing terrible things.

I feel I’ve already lost any hope there was for the situation for any good outcome because of the delays and inaction. I haven’t been motivated to read the Bible or pray and I know all over I’m just all kinds of wrong. My character is still crap, I don’t know if I want to change even and even then I’ve got selfish wants. If I could I’d avoid the consequences that’s the truth and I’m also a very ambitious person. I definitely forefeited the right to any of it when i committed the sins I did but it still crushes me because it means a lot. I don’t know if I have any faith anything real to work with. I see all these people who are in good shape faith wise who at least are closer with god and don’t have to worry about such things and I envy them and it feels impossible to ever get to such a point. Where I finally get back to god, where I finally get somewhere.

I pray and pray god undertakes that I’m just a really crap human but I don’t know if I’ll even change if I’ll ever be anything else. I just feel like a mistake. I’ve hurt so many people and the damage I’ve caused I can’t fix if I wanted to. Sometimes I question whether my conscience is still there because I don’t even know if my remorse is there or if it’s real. I’m doing all the surface things watching videos on how to be better and stuff but until I really address the bigger situation and actually get back to god I’ll always be this way. I try having a heart to heart and I just end up stopping - I end up not even knowing if what I’m saying is real and I just stop. Or I say something and immediately back track.

I’m just so lost and i don’t know what to do.

Any wisdom- advice would be really appreciated.

[Alex1]

Trust in that God has you covered. Ask Him to be with you. Your conscious (God given) is being your guide ,don’t you think!!!

Trust that God is with your pastor also.

Do you wonder if the condemnation you my feel, is your own and not of our faithful God They say that Romans 8 will put you straight​

[PeterC]

@Meii

Any wisdom- advice would be really appreciated.

Meii, if you are reading this, take a deep breath. You are carrying an overwhelming weight right now, but your life is valuable, and you do not have to navigate this alone or tear yourself apart to find peace.

Here is what you need to hear right now—clearly, directly, and with grace.

Your safety and life come first. Statements like “I don’t think I’m going to make it” and feeling like a mistake show just how crushed you are by anxiety and terror. Please hear this: your life has value, and this moment will not define your entire future.

If the weight becomes too heavy to hold, or if you feel like giving up, please reach out for immediate support. In the US and Canada, you can call or text 988 anytime to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You do not have to carry panic until it breaks you.

You mentioned potential legal repercussions, jail, and feeling compelled to “turn yourself in.” Wanting to take responsibility comes from a desire to be right with God and clear your conscience, but you must handle legal matters with extreme caution. Do not make impulsive confessions to law enforcement or online. At 17, you are a minor. The legal system is complex, and attempting to handle legal consequences without professional help can lead to life-altering outcomes that you are not equipped to navigate on your own.

Get legal advice before taking action. Wanting spiritual forgiveness does not mean you must walk into a police station unprepared. In almost all circumstances, someone in your position needs a lawyer, or a trusted parent/guardian who can help secure one, to represent your rights and advise you on how to handle the situation properly.

While pastors offer spiritual comfort, as I hope I am here, clergy confidentiality laws vary significantly depending on where you live and the nature of the situation (especially regarding mandatory reporting laws). Do not assume absolute legal privacy without knowing the law.

You asked how to tell what God wants from you when you feel paralyzed and terrified: The Bible tells us over and over, do not fear. Conviction from God produces clarity, truth, and a constructive path forward. The overwhelming wave of shame, self-loathing (“I’m just a crap human”), and paralysis you are feeling comes from fear and anxiety, not God’s grace. God does not ask you to destroy yourself to prove your remorse.

True repentance is a turn of the heart toward God. It begins in honest prayer. Even when your prayer is just “I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do.” You do not have to earn your way back to God by subjecting yourself to maximum harm.

Here is one I had to learn. Stop trying to fix everything at once: You are trying to resolve legal issues, spiritual struggles, personal character, and the fear of losing your future all in one moment. Pause. Breath. Pray. You do not need to make a massive, catastrophic decision today while you are in panic mode.

What to do right now? Pause and take no impulsive action. Today: Do not turn yourself in, make rash confessions, or attempt to force a resolution while you are terrified. Seek proper legal representation: Talk to a parent, guardian, or trusted adult who can help you consult a lawyer before you make any official statements.

Be honest with God in small steps. Bring your doubts, your fear, and even your selfish desires to God as they are. God already knows your heart; you don’t have to perform or hide from Him. Your story is not over at 17. Take this one single step at a time.

Be blessed, be a blessing, and Jesus is LORD!

Peter