Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:28 are clear: “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In a culture saturated with sexual imagery and casual attitudes toward sex and lust, what does it truly mean to live obediently to this verse?
How do we guard our eyes, our thoughts, and our hearts in everyday life? What practical steps help you remain pure, not just in action, but in motive and mindset?
First, let me commend you for broaching this subject. You are very brave. I appreciate that.
I will only make a few short comments that bear on the question that you asked without a direct answer.
Firstly, the passage you posted is found within a larger context. It is a small part of a profound discourse, given by Jesus to Jewish disciples, who were all wondering what “The Kingdom of God is at Hand” really means in practical terms. This teaching begins with turning common understandings directly on their head. Right out of the gate Jesus proffers some non-intuitive ideas about blessings. In His opening “wake-up!” lines, He authoritatively claims in this New Kingdom, it can actually be a blessing to be poor and to be mournful. It’s better-than-OK to be meek, and to want to be good. You are blessed when you show mercy, when you shun evil, when you pursue peace. In this New Kingdom, one can actually be blessed when illtreated, rejected, misrepresented, and made fun of. How audacious!
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. “(Matthew 5:3-12)
Next, speaking to Jews who are under the law, he affirms the law to them as good and righteous, and reassures them He has no intention of dismissing it.
"Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.
For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:17-20)
With this mind-bending foundation laid, only then comes the passage you are referring to. It comes amidst His contrasting the reality of the New Kingdom to the ineffective rules of The Law with a brilliant rhetorical mechanism, “you have heard…. But I say…” "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; you shall not commit adultery, you shall not lie, you shall only exact a measured revenge, you shall love your neighbor but hate your enemy, … but I say to you…
He then explains the new standard of The New Kingdom, and that standard is “perfection!”.
“Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:48)
Only within this revelatory teaching does the passage you present make much sense. Clearly, Jesus is not making a new stricter law, adding to our legal burden to condemn us. We, like His disciples he was speaking to, are already condemned. He is attempting to show how following the law is a burden which we are incapable of bearing. In this sermon, Jesus eliminates any loop-hole in the law by exposing the spirit of the law to be completely and obviously unbearable. Even if I could avoid physically murdering someone, I can’t avoid murdering him in my heart, and so I am unavoidably a lawbreaker. Jesus is presenting to His disciples His standard of perfection; a state of pure blessing which He prescribes for them and us, and to which He will bring us all. In His new Kingdom, we will not even contemplate murder, infidelity, dishonesty, revenge, or hatred, but we will be governed by love for our fellow creatures, and for our Savior. But, we need Him to get there.
We are on that path now; we are aiming for His perfection. He is enabling us day-by-day, and we are cooperating as best we can (hopefully). This is obedience. To your question, our current, immoral, sex-crazed, society really has very little to do with our trajectory. Society has always been evil, the world has always pulled men down toward the dirt with its intense gravity. But God has given us wings. We have only to spread them and allow His Holy Wind to carry us upward.
Blessings in Jesus
KP
The Pharisees and religious rulers of this day endeavored to live the law to perfection. Jesus said they were like white washed tombs. Great looking on the outside but full of dead men’s bones. He accused them of washing the outside of the cup and not washing the inside which was more important. In this verse I think Jesus is saying the same thing. Behavior based on obeying rules without the heart that goes with it doesn’t count for much. It’s what we are inside that’s important. What we do needs to be a reflection of who we are inside.
The answer to this is given in Romans 12. Don’t let yourself be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. We renew our mind by reading and meditating on God’s word. We tell ourselves in the moment; when we catch ourselves in the act, the truth about what we’re doing. We bring that thought to Christ and replace it with what He has to say about it. Over time our thinking changes and we come to a place where seeing a woman doesn’t cause us to lust.
The point here isn’t about lust but about anything we think about and dwell on that doesn’t agree with how God wants us to be. We have His assurance that He will help us in this if we do our part. There’s no instant zap of God to change how we think. We’re told to renew our minds and that’s our responsibility, but God joins us in this process.
I could spend ages on this topic. Having once been a complete prisoner of lust and now surrounded non-stop by real prisoners of lust. At least 20 times per week here inmates are locked down and punished for public masturbation. Many will walk right to a female officer and start doing it right in front of them. Lust is just like any other sin and comes in dozens of forms, porn, fornication, adultery etc… and just like any other sin can only be broken by the cross. Over the past 3 years of sanctifcation my lust, through his mercy, has been completely defeated. How do I know this? a) I turn away from some old navy commercials b) personally see how my mind works now c) find myself attracted only to those right with God.
The old Wayne never could have loved such a beauty as you Jenny without physical desire. The new me sees you only as a true sister in Christ with a fierce brotherly love that brings you to my prayers on a regular basis.
I would not trade the love I share with JoJo for all the sex I could ever want.
From my perspective, this type of testimony goes into excessive graphic detail. That is simply my opinion, bro.
J.
Paul addresses this issue with unusual clarity by framing purity not merely as restraint but as participation in Christ’s death and resurrection, meaning that disordered desire is not merely resisted but judicially executed in union with Christ.
Galatians 2:20[1]
Here Paul presents crucifixion not as metaphorical sentiment but as ontological union, where the old self defined by sinful desire has been put to death, and the present life is governed by Christ’s indwelling life rather than autonomous impulse.
Galatians 5:24[2]
This verse is central, because Paul explicitly names affections and lusts as objects of crucifixion, indicating that Christian ethics involves the deliberate mortification of desire, not merely suppression of behavior, with the aorist tense pointing to a decisive act grounded in conversion and union with Christ.
Romans 6:6[3]
Paul connects crucifixion with liberation from servitude, meaning lust no longer holds legal authority over the believer, even though its presence may still be felt, which reframes temptation as intrusion rather than identity.
Colossians 3:5[4]
Here Paul moves from union to application, commanding active mortification, where sexual desire detached from God’s order is treated as something to be put to death rather than negotiated with or entertained privately.
Romans 8:13[5]
This verse clarifies agency, showing that mortification is neither self-powered asceticism nor passive waiting, but Spirit-enabled participation in Christ’s death applied to bodily impulses and habits.
Ephesians 4:22–24[6]
Paul locates lust within deception, indicating that sinful desire lies to the mind about fulfillment, and renewal involves cognitive and volitional transformation, not simply emotional discipline.
Taken together, Paul’s teaching reframes purity as cruciform identity, where obedience flows from union with Christ’s cross and resurrection rather than moral self-improvement. Lust is not merely a temptation to be managed but a power whose claim has been nullified at the cross, and daily obedience consists in living out what has already been declared true in Christ.
In Pauline theology, purity is therefore not rooted in fear of failure but in fidelity to a death that has already occurred and a new life that is now operative, which makes guarding the heart not an act of anxiety but an act of allegiance to the crucified and risen Christ.
Application.
First, application begins with identity before action.
Paul repeatedly grounds moral obedience in what is already true of the believer in Christ. Because the old self has been crucified, lust is treated as an intruder rather than a master, so the practical posture is refusal of allegiance rather than surprise or shame at temptation, as articulated in Romans 6:11[7].
Second, application involves active mortification, not passive avoidance.
Paul does not tell believers to merely avoid lustful situations but to put sinful desires to death through decisive action, meaning immediate rejection of lustful thoughts, cutting off occasions that feed them, and restructuring habits that sustain them, in line with Colossians 3:5[8].
Third, application requires Spirit-enabled effort.
Paul holds together divine agency and human responsibility, teaching that believers act, but they do so through the power of the Spirit, so practical obedience includes prayerful dependence and conscious cooperation with the Spirit when desire arises, as stated in Romans 8:13[9].
Fourth, application demands discipline of the mind.
Paul locates lust not only in bodily impulse but in patterns of thought, so guarding purity includes rejecting fantasies, redirecting imagination, and filling the mind with what accords with holiness, following Philippians
…out of characters.
J.
Remember the three B’s: Brains, Beauty AND Belief (it’s amazing how it straightaway alters our perceptions of otherwise Talented and Beautiful People as containing a wholly undeclared Quality, which may, or may not; render them not according as they otherwise appear)!
Jesus is not just forbidding an act. He is exposing the source. He said it begins in the heart: “whosoever looketh… to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” ~Matthew 5:28. The world says temptation is normal. Christ says it is sin the moment you welcome it.
So obedience is not learning to manage desire. It is refusing to entertain it. Job said, “I made a covenant with mine eyes” ~Job 31:1. That means you stop the second look. Not later. Not after a moment. Right then. Sin grows because it is fed.
Then you deal with the imagination. “Casting down imaginations… bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” ~2 Corinthians 10:5. If the mind keeps the picture, the heart keeps the sin. You either take the thought captive or the thought takes you captive.
Jesus was blunt about how serious this is: “If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out… that thy whole body should not be cast into hell” ~Matthew 5:29. Not injury, but ruthless separation. Screens, accounts, shows, habits. If it feeds lust, it goes. You do not negotiate with what kills you.
And you replace it, because emptiness invites return. “Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh” ~Galatians 5:16. Fill the mind with truth or the flesh will fill it with fantasy.
This is the line: you are either training your eyes to serve Christ or training them to betray Him. Private sin is not private before God. “All things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do” ~Hebrews 4:13.
Purity is not accidental. It is chosen, guarded, and fought for every day.
In my younger Christian Life, I entertained many such consideration and jostled with may approaches. As I’ve matured, I am no longer “adding” God’s virtues as I learn about them, but am instead seeking out those things which stand between me and the Perfecting of my Faith. Seen in this context; worldly lusts and temptations tend to only form part of those few(er) remaining issues I am still addressing. I find now that those struggles in the flesh have been happily renegade to a much healthier desire to please and serve my Lord. I hope this helps. God bless.
