Forgiveness is complex and often misunderstood, as highlighted by several myths that hinder true healing. Forgiving doesn’t always mean forgetting, restoring relationships, or excusing wrongdoing; rather, it involves a personal journey of letting go for one’s own freedom, guided by God’s forgiveness toward us. Ultimately, forgiveness is essential for spiritual peace and healing.
Forgiveness is a deeply challenging, yet fundamental, principle in the Christian faith. Many of us wrestle with it, especially when faced with profound pain or betrayal. Forgiveness is not always straightforward; misconceptions surrounding it can make it even more complicated. For example, some believe that forgiveness is only for the benefit of the person who has wronged them, or that forgiving means forgetting what happened. Others see forgiveness as a one-time decision, rather than an ongoing process of letting go.
The Bible does, however, call us to forgive as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32), but this doesn’t mean it’s an easy or quick journey. The process of forgiveness may require time, support, and personal healing, especially when the wounds run deep. Reflecting on God’s grace toward us can also provide perspective and a heart posture that seeks healing rather than revenge.
Forgiveness also differs from reconciliation; we can forgive without necessarily restoring a relationship if it’s not healthy or safe. This brings us to the question: Is forgiveness always necessary? Is it possible, and if so, what does it truly look like in different circumstances?
As is typical, I don’t think the article or video really addresses what forgiveness actually is, what it looks and feels like.
Due to a family lawsuit that I didn’t initiate and in which I wasn’t much more than an innocent bystander, I became estranged from my older brother and sister (both now dead). We didn’t speak for nearly 40 years, whereupon they both died within a year. At one point, I was so angry I’d shake at the very thought of them. By the time they had died, however, I had no anger at all. I had prayed for them for years and still do. My sister’s son attempted a reconciliation, which I agreed to, but both of them were as angry as they’d been 35 years previously; he and I were both astonished they still carried this much anger.
As I have said repeatedly on threads such as this, I believe the key is compassion. I recognized they didn’t have the same intellect or opportunities as I, they were in the grip of a truly awful attorney, and they had dollar signs in their eyes. I understood and even empathized with their situation. I further realized my own anger was counterproductive for me. I just put the situation in perspective and let it go. That, not prayer or lifting it up to God or whatever, is probably a pretty accurate description of what forgiveness actually is: simply viewing the situation with compassion from the other person’s perspective and realizing that hanging on to anger is counterproductive for yourself.
There is a famous Buddhist story where the elder monk puts a young girl on his back and carries her across a river. The younger monk with him is outraged and fumes about it the rest of the journey. Finally, he can’t contain himself any longer and explodes in anger at the impropriety of it all. The elder monk is astonished. “Are you still carrying her???” he asks. “I put her down as soon as we’d crossed the river.”
