Is forgiveness always necessary?

General Faith
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Is forgiveness always necessary?

Forgiveness is complex and often misunderstood, as highlighted by several myths that hinder true healing. Forgiving doesn’t always mean forgetting, restoring relationships, or excusing wrongdoing; rather, it involves a personal journey of letting go for one’s own freedom, guided by God’s forgiveness toward us. Ultimately, forgiveness is essential for spiritual peace and healing.

#ForgivenessJourney #SpiritualHealing #LettingGo #ChristianFaith #BiblicalForgiveness

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Forgiveness is a deeply challenging, yet fundamental, principle in the Christian faith. Many of us wrestle with it, especially when faced with profound pain or betrayal. Forgiveness is not always straightforward; misconceptions surrounding it can make it even more complicated. For example, some believe that forgiveness is only for the benefit of the person who has wronged them, or that forgiving means forgetting what happened. Others see forgiveness as a one-time decision, rather than an ongoing process of letting go.

The Bible does, however, call us to forgive as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32), but this doesn’t mean it’s an easy or quick journey. The process of forgiveness may require time, support, and personal healing, especially when the wounds run deep. Reflecting on God’s grace toward us can also provide perspective and a heart posture that seeks healing rather than revenge.

Forgiveness also differs from reconciliation; we can forgive without necessarily restoring a relationship if it’s not healthy or safe. This brings us to the question: Is forgiveness always necessary? Is it possible, and if so, what does it truly look like in different circumstances?

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As is typical, I don’t think the article or video really addresses what forgiveness actually is, what it looks and feels like.

Due to a family lawsuit that I didn’t initiate and in which I wasn’t much more than an innocent bystander, I became estranged from my older brother and sister (both now dead). We didn’t speak for nearly 40 years, whereupon they both died within a year. At one point, I was so angry I’d shake at the very thought of them. By the time they had died, however, I had no anger at all. I had prayed for them for years and still do. My sister’s son attempted a reconciliation, which I agreed to, but both of them were as angry as they’d been 35 years previously; he and I were both astonished they still carried this much anger.

As I have said repeatedly on threads such as this, I believe the key is compassion. I recognized they didn’t have the same intellect or opportunities as I, they were in the grip of a truly awful attorney, and they had dollar signs in their eyes. I understood and even empathized with their situation. I further realized my own anger was counterproductive for me. I just put the situation in perspective and let it go. That, not prayer or lifting it up to God or whatever, is probably a pretty accurate description of what forgiveness actually is: simply viewing the situation with compassion from the other person’s perspective and realizing that hanging on to anger is counterproductive for yourself.

There is a famous Buddhist story where the elder monk puts a young girl on his back and carries her across a river. The younger monk with him is outraged and fumes about it the rest of the journey. Finally, he can’t contain himself any longer and explodes in anger at the impropriety of it all. The elder monk is astonished. “Are you still carrying her???” he asks. “I put her down as soon as we’d crossed the river.”

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The requirement to forgive is only there if there is repentance. ~ @Who-me

Oh, we’re about to crack open the vault on counterfeit forgiveness theology. Strap in.

Ah yes, the old “I only have to forgive if they repent” loophole—the spiritual equivalent of saying, “I’ll love my neighbor, but only if they mow their lawn first.” Let’s shine the full light of Scripture on that shaded corner, shall we?

Jesus didn’t hang on the cross waiting for an apology. He didn’t scan the crowd for sincerity before saying, “Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.” That’s Luke 23:34, in case someone needs the receipt. Newsflash: Nobody was repenting. They were gambling for His clothes while He bled for their souls. So much for waiting on repentance.

And don’t toss Matthew 18 in here like it’s your get-out-of-forgiveness-free card. That chapter is about church discipline and reconciliation, not permission to withhold mercy. If you’re building your forgiveness theology off “if they repent, forgive them” and ignoring the rest of the Bible, congratulations because you’ve built a doctrine out of one brick and a lot of pride.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us to “forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” That’s past tense. Christ didn’t wait for us to clean up our act before He offered forgiveness. Romans 5:8 drops the hammer: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” That’s proactive, not reactive. Grace on the front end. Mercy before merit.

If your forgiveness depends on their repentance, it’s not forgiveness, it’s a transaction. And Jesus didn’t die for a deal. He died for debtors.

Yes, reconciliation takes two. But forgiveness? That’s between you and God. It’s an act of obedience, not a negotiation. It’s how you get free, not how you let them off the hook.

So if someone tells you forgiveness is optional until there’s repentance, smile, open your Bible, and show them the cross.

Stay grounded. Stay sharp. Stay in the Word.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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The whole bible teaches that forgiveness is conditional upon repentance.

The devout Jew who ainned had to offer a sacrifice for that sin.
In order to make that sacrifice he had to acknowledge his sin and be prepared to do what the law required.

That means in seeking forgiveness for his sin he was repentant.

God addressing a rebellious Israel said, " If my people who are called by my name will turn from their wicked ways, humble themselves and pray. ( Repentance )
Then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land. "

You say Matthew 18 is about church discipline.
I see the principal of repentance being conditional for forgiveness.
Jesus on the cross did not forgive his executioners, he prayed for them, saying " Father forgive them! "
Stephen at his marterdom did the same thing.

Eph 4, Forgive as Christ forgave you! Christ forgave you and me when we repented, or do you believe every persons sin are forgiven and everybody is going to heaven!

We forgive freely yes, but someone who has sinned against us and will not repent or cannot repent, we do not have to forgive.

                        BUT

we do have to pray for them, we tell our Father about the situatio , about our feelings etc etc and we pray regularly for that person, for their good.

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Who-me, I appreciate the zeal — but what you’ve built is a doctrine of delay, not deliverance.

Let’s clear the fog. Forgiveness isn’t earned by repentance. It’s modeled after Christ’s mercy. Yes, repentance is required for reconciliation with God — for salvation. But personal forgiveness toward others is a command, not a contract.

When Jesus said, “Father, forgive them,” He didn’t say, “Once they realize what they’ve done.” He prayed forgiveness while they were murdering Him. That’s not just intercession — that’s divine posture. You say He didn’t forgive — only prayed? So we’re separating the Son’s request from the Father’s heart now?

And Stephen — same story. Praying, not pouting. He wasn’t waiting on those rocks to stop flying before choosing mercy. That’s the Spirit of Christ in action — and if we’re told to walk in His steps, this is part of the path.

You’re trying to squeeze Levitical sacrifices into New Covenant forgiveness. Under the law, yes, repentance was tied to ritual. But Hebrews shouts from the mountaintop: Christ offered one sacrifice for all sin, once for all time. We’re not dragging animals to altars anymore. We’re living temples, and forgiveness is part of our priestly duty.

You brought up 2 Chronicles 7:14. Beautiful verse. But that’s God speaking about national repentance and covenant restoration — not personal grudges and private offenses. Different covenant, different context. Let’s not rip verses out of the Old to cancel the commands of the New.

You said “Christ forgave us when we repented.” Careful. That might sound tidy, but it’s not total. Romans 5:8: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The offer came before the repentance. The cross didn’t wait for your apology. Grace hit the ground before you knew you were dirty.

Forgiveness isn’t pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It’s releasing the debt to God — even if the offender won’t face it. That’s not weakness. That’s spiritual firepower. It takes more strength to let go than to hold on.

So yes, pray for them. But also forgive them. Not because they earned it, but because Christ did.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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Our model is Jesus and as you say he prayed for his crucifiers, he prayed that the Father would forgive them. That is not Jesus saying I forgive them but Jesus passing the action to his Father.

Through Jesus’s death and resurrection All our sins are forgiven, but that forgiveness is not applied untill we repent and turn to him.
It’s interesting you ignored my suggestion of ’ universalism ’ All sins are forgiven, but everuone is not saved.

The OT shows us how God works in regard to forgiveness, we don’t through that demonstration out.

As you say " forgiveness is not pretending that hurt didn’t happen, its releasing the debt to God, even if the offender won’t face upto it."

Which is what I’ve been going on about.
We don’t produce feelings of forgiveness. In cases of real personal hurt we often can’t, there’s too much pain.
Itis Gods grace at work in us, as we bring the situation to him that produces forgiveness.
When there is no repentance our bringing the incident to God, praying for the offender and about our feelings again through Gods grace removes bitterness and prepares us to be able to forgive when repentance is shown.

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Who-me, I see where you’re coming from, and I can tell you’re not arguing for bitterness — you’re wrestling for clarity. That’s commendable.

Yes, our model is Jesus — and when He said “Father, forgive them,” He wasn’t outsourcing the mercy, He was embodying it. He wasn’t dodging the responsibility, He was displaying the very heart of God. John 14:9 makes it plain — “He who has seen Me has seen the Father.” So if Jesus prays forgiveness, that’s the Father’s will being revealed in real time. That prayer wasn’t passive. It was priestly.

You’re absolutely right that forgiveness is applied unto salvation when we repent — salvation is conditional on repentance and faith, no doubt. But the call to forgive others is not about salvation — it’s about sanctification. It’s about walking in the Spirit, not making peace treaties. And that happens whether the other person repents or not.

Universalism? No chance. The cross is sufficient for all, but effective only for those who believe. Forgiveness offered doesn’t mean forgiveness applied — but our hearts should reflect the offer, not withhold it until conditions are met. Otherwise, we’re not image bearers of grace — we’re emotional accountants waiting for receipts.

You’re right to say the Old Testament matters — it shows us patterns, principles, God’s character. But we don’t drag the shadow into the light and call it the same thing. In Christ, we’re under a new and better covenant. If the OT points to the cross, then the cross must define how we forgive — fully, freely, even if painfully.

And yes — you nailed it. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling we force. It’s a grace God grows in us. That doesn’t always come quick or easy. But withholding forgiveness until repentance shows up is like refusing to plant until the rain comes — it’s backward.

So let’s both agree — we don’t fake forgiveness, and we don’t force it from feelings. But we also don’t hold it hostage until someone grovels. We bring the pain to God, trust His justice, and release the debt. Not because they deserve it, but because He is worthy.

Peace to you — real peace, the kind that doesn’t wait for the other person to flinch first.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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Hi, if someone tells me they are sorry but still hitting me how shall I forgive them if they are still hurting me.

Did not Even the Bible say if my people who are called by my name shall humble themselves, seek my face then shall I hear from heaven and forgive their sins.

Even John the Baptist told those who came to Him to be baptized to bring forth fruit of repentance.

If possible we are to pursue peace..but don’t some make it impossible?

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Corlove13, I hear the ache behind your words – and let me be crystal clear, forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or staying in harm’s way. Christ didn’t die to make you a doormat.

If someone says “I’m sorry” but keeps swinging? That’s not repentance. That’s manipulation dressed in Christianese. True repentance comes with fruit, like John the Baptist said. It means change. It means stopping the sin, not repeating it with a sorry sticker slapped on top.

You’re right – 2 Chronicles 7:14 shows that forgiveness and restoration with God require humility, turning, seeking His face. That’s about reconciliation with God. But your question is about personal forgiveness – and that’s where we walk like Jesus, even when others don’t.

Romans 12 says, “As much as it depends on you, live at peace with all men.” You nailed it – some people make that impossible. That’s why God didn’t say, “Be at peace no matter what.” He said, “As far as it depends on you.” That means you set boundaries, you get safe, and you let God deal with the one who refuses peace.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean re-entering a boxing ring with someone who won’t put the gloves down. It means releasing the right to vengeance, letting God be Judge, and guarding your heart from hatred – even while you walk away.

So yes – forgive, but don’t confuse forgiveness with trust. Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned. And safety is non-negotiable.

Protect your heart. Protect your peace. And let God deal with the unrepentant.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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There is no hint that Jesus was dodging his responsibility.
As Luke 17:3 says if your offender repent, forgive them.
God the Father and God the Son are ready and willing to forgive, but they forgive the repentant sinner, not the unrepentant.

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Who-me, I’m not accusing Jesus of dodging anything — I’m saying He was displaying divine mercy in real time. That prayer on the cross wasn’t a deferral, it was a declaration. If the Son asks the Father to forgive, and the Son is the perfect image of the Father, that’s not delegation — that’s revelation.

Yes, Luke 17:3 says if they repent, forgive — in the context of reconciliation between believers. That’s instruction for handling repeated offenses within the covenant community. But Jesus didn’t say, only forgive if they repent. That’s a guideline for restored relationship, not a loophole for bitterness.

What about Matthew 6? “If you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you.” No footnotes. No repentance clause. Just a command to forgive — period.

If God only forgave the repentant, we’d all still be waiting for Him to make the first move. But He already did — while we were yet sinners, Christ died. Forgiveness was offered before we asked for it. That offer doesn’t mean salvation is universal, but it does mean the heart of God leans toward mercy before we lean toward Him.

So yes — God forgives the repentant. But the heart posture of the believer is to forgive like Christ: freely, proactively, and without waiting for perfect apologies. Otherwise, we’re not following the Spirit — we’re just keeping score.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness. It’s warfare. And it reflects the heart of a God who moved first.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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Is forgiveness always necessary?

It is always difficult to properly respond to a loaded question; one built on an ambiguous, and leading statement and which limits responses to the scope of the supplied supposition. By his opening post, Fritz seems to be limiting the scope to, and specifically asking about, the necessity for one offended to forgive their offender. My mind tries to broaden the scope, push down the fences, and ask the asker, “necessary for what?”, “necessary for who?”, “under what circumstances?”, & “what do you mean by forgiveness?”.

Speaking to the implied scope, in the attached video, R.T. Kendall speaks of the liberating advice he received from a dear bother, Joseph Sung, a Romanian pastor who had suffered extreme physical brutality at the hands of the Romanian dictator N. Ceaușescu regime. Pastor Sung gave R.T. this advice ““release them and you will be released”. Pastor Sung should know a thing-or-two about forgiveness. I suspect those who have forgiven much know the most about it.

There is much discussion in this thread about prerequisites; what conditions make forgiveness desirable or even possible; i.e. “when does forgiveness become necessary?”. The discussion seems to accept that (a) forgiveness as an undesirable requirement, (b) what has to happen before we are obligated to perform it. I think we may be looking at forgiveness wrongly, and are therefore asking the wrong questions.

And He quotes liberally from the law and some N.T. verses to substantiate his position. If forgiveness is a “requirement” then we should only be obligated to perform it when the prerequisite conditions have been met, specifically a demonstration of repentance by the offender.

But, what if forgiveness is not a requirement, but a gift? What if forgiving is a generous heavenly invitation that allows us to embody the Spirit of God, an opportunity to reflect God’s forgiving heart, an arena to demonstrate Holiness as He is Holy? What if forgiving others is an opportunity to testify of our deep appreciation at having been graciously forgiven so much. What if forgiving an unworthy offender is a way we tithe our emotions, an offering of thanksgiving, a sacrifice of praise, an expression of worship? What if forgiving others who do not deserve our forgiveness is not a “necessity” but a glory?

Forgiveness is releasing the offender from paying the debt owed. But, even though the offender is released from his debt, the greater credit goes not to the offender, but to the forgiver. If we could show this hypothetically and numerically, the offender is released from a debt value of 10, the forgiver is credited with a value of 100, and God is credited with a value of 10,000.

Asking “Is forgiveness always necessary?” is like asking “is Christmas always necessary?”
We forgive freely and generously, even painfully, and at great cost at times because we have been recipients of costly forgivenss, when we did not deserve it.

FWIW (For what it’s worth)
KP

Teaching scriptures

Matthew 6:12
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.

Matthew 6:14-15
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV)
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:35
So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

Mark 11:25-26
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Luke 6:37
"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 7:47-48
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

God said this about Himself:Exodus 34:6-7*
“The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation." *

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Luke17:3, If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
Actual Jesus did say, " If they repent, forgive them. "

As for bitterness, please reread what I have written.
To claim what I’ve been writing is a reciepe for bitterness indicate a failure to read what I’ve written.

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What if we are to imitate our saviour in how he forgave us, on our repentance.
Or are you claiming that every unrepentant sinner will be in heaven?

What if the unbiblical teaching that Christians Must always forgive, even when there is no repentance, is placing an unbearable burden on those who have be severly hurt by others and by demanding that they forgive is only adding to there hurt and pain?

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Is coverd by matthew 5:23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Forgiveness is not something that is thrown out, it is something that is given when one has been hurt to an offender who has recognised they have hurt you.

Gods forgiveness through Jesus covers every persons sins, but that forgiveness is only applied when that sinner repents and yes God does make the first move in sending his spirit into sinners lives to challenge and convict them of their sin.

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Who-me, let me clear the air right off the bat — I never said you were bitter or pushing bitterness. You’ve made it plain that your aim is faithfulness, not resentment. You speak of praying for the offender, bringing it to God, waiting on His grace — that’s not the soil of bitterness, that’s the ground of sanctification.

What I did say is this: restricting forgiveness to repentance can become a recipe for bitterness — not that your heart is bitter, but that the doctrine itself, taken rigidly, can leave people holding debts they were never meant to carry. That’s not a judgment on your intent, it’s a warning about the weight it can create.

Yes, Luke 17 says, “If they repent, forgive.” But Jesus is talking about what must happen when repentance does occur — not setting up a barrier against forgiveness when it doesn’t. It’s instruction, not exclusion.

Ephesians 4:32 still stands — “Forgive as God in Christ forgave you.” And He didn’t wait on us to shape up before offering mercy. The cross came while we were still enemies, still rebels, still unrepentant. That forgiveness was extended before it was received. That’s the model.

So I’m not accusing you — I’m just contending for the heart of the gospel. Forgiveness isn’t weakness, and it isn’t conditional surrender. It’s a supernatural act that reflects the One who forgave first and most. And even when repentance doesn’t come, the Spirit empowers us to release the debt — not for their sake, but for ours, and for His glory.

We both want truth. We both want freedom. And I’m grateful we’re digging into it side by side.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

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confidential to: @who-me

I hear your compassion for the offended, and commend it. I also sense your reluctance to be required to forgive someone who you feel doesn’t deserve your compassion. That’s normal.

I appreciate your proof-texting your position from Luke17:3, a passage that instructs us to forgive no matter how many times our offender says the’re sorry. But that passage demonstrates my point exactly, and I believe the point Jesus was making to His disciples. In this passage, Jesus was not teaching offenders that they should repent, nor was he teaching his disciples to withhold forgiveness until the offender does repent. He was teaching his disciples to forgive, even those who offend them seven times a day, even those who show by their repeated offences that they are obviously not “repentant”. The point is to be eager to forgive, not just the repentant, but those who are clearly not.

Jesus’s teaching to forgive is not for the benefit of the offender, but a demonstration of His love for the offended. Jesus is revealing the unexpected benefit of forgiveness on the one who has been offended.

If I were to take your logic I would say:

(I would not say that, by the way)

Encouraging offended people to forgive is not “demanding” as you say, and it is not adding to their burden, but actually lessening it. If you love someone who has been hurt, offended, abused, or exploited, you will ease their burden if you gently, and compassionately help them to forgive their offender. Forgiveness is a gift one gives to themselves.

KP

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Who-me, Matthew 5:23–24 is a powerful call to seek reconciliation — but look closely. Jesus is speaking to the offender, not the offended. It’s the one who remembers their brother has something against them who’s told to leave the altar and go make things right.

This isn’t a passage about withholding forgiveness until the other person repents — it’s about taking responsibility when you’ve done wrong. It underscores the urgency of peace, not the prerequisites of pardon.

You’re absolutely right that forgiveness isn’t casual. It’s not cheap. It’s costly — because it reflects the Cross. But that cost isn’t paid by the offender’s apology — it’s borne by the forgiver’s obedience.

As for God’s forgiveness, yes — it’s applied through repentance and faith. That’s salvation. But Ephesians 4:32 doesn’t tell us to only forgive like God applies forgiveness. It says to forgive like God offered it — through Christ, freely, before we ever knew we needed it.

God made the first move. And we, made in His image and reborn by His Spirit, are called to do the same. Not because they’re worthy. Not because they said sorry. But because Jesus paid it all — and we’re living proof.

Forgiveness isn’t thrown out. It’s poured out. Not based on their posture, but on God’s.

—Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.