in the last few years at 54, i’m finding out that my family never really wanted me to be in a relationship with my “special needs” I was never able to hold a job and live on my own outside the family. There seems to be this unspoken belief that if a man CAN not (not just will not) provide for himself and make a life for himself he should always be single and live with family. My sister is more or less my “caregiver”.. My being single always felt somewhat “forced” to me… or “prevented” i guess is the right word. But in a way where i probably wouldn’t notice or can’t prove, if you understand what i’m trying to say. When i was young i had potential relationship and even a potential chance to become independent at an all male group home. The relationship was prevented at least by her parents if not them and my family. I have been known to have emotional outbursts and meltdowns over the years that resulted in physical confrontations. i don’t feel comfortable saying anymore about that. But it’s slowly coming out now that some of my opportunities meeting a woman was more or less prevented in such a way where i wouldn’t notice… but i always sensed it. There was a time my stepdad set me down and told me i had mild retardation.. Some of the things they already let me know i cried to my church friends like a tattletale. I think that’s one of the reasons why i wasn’t told everything because they knew i would run and tell the pastor, sunday school teacher and other siblings in Christ about it and they would try to help me in a way i shouldn’t be helped because they haven’t seen the side of me my family did (which by the way mostly was the result i feel they were doing). The church would have good intentions but would react to my story and would try to help me based on what i told them which was the truth but the only truth i ever known or was aware of anyrate.
I NEVER wanted to be a phoney or a con but now when i look back on it.. 
What i told the church was all true but i guess i only told them half the story. That’s like telling your defense lawyer a completely watered down vauge version of what happened… I only wanted some help from outside the family just to see if they think the same way most didn’t some did…
But all i will say is i know that my will is not God’s will but is my family’s will the same as God’s will??
I just want to know you thoughts and prayers on this.. please:sad_but_relieved_face:
Thank you for sharing your story here, it takes courage to bear one’s soul like you did here. As someone who has Asperger’s before they knew much about it, I’ve been told I was mentally disabled, ADD, ADHD, etc. I truly empathize with the confusion and hurt that comes from feeling misunderstood and unsupported, especially by those who are closest to you.
My wife and I will definitely be praying for you. Have you ever tried neurofeedback? This has helped me out immensely with the painful sensory overload I used to experience with bright lights and loud noises and hasn’t been a problem even after I discontinued neurofeedback for half a year. It has also done wonders for my depression and focus; best of all it doesn’t involve drugs, only helps the brain adapt. Many counselors are now offering this along side traditional counseling.
God bless!
Are you able to walk around the house, or are you confided to a wheelchair ?
If you are mobile do you help around the house, with meal preparation, clearing up and with laundry etc etc.
Are there any groups in your area where disabled people can meet up for games, conversations and day trips?
Right now we’re in a temporary situation more or less. I can’t really say no more.. I do help out with trash and dishes.. The thing is i’ve been living so long like this that i’m more or less used to it. The ONLY issue i seem to have is all of this, the chain of events that happened in my life seemed forced. I cant really put m6 finger on it…
I just remembered something what a pastor’s son that i used to talk to a lot said to me and was a little aware of my situation but it was profound he said “Your family was only reacting to what you showed them” What do y’all think about that? Is he right?