Please pray for brian. He needs healing in his heart mind and emotions from fear of rejection and also for his salvation and getting to know God.
Rejection is toughā¦ Especially if someone has a history of being abandoned by loved ones. The younger we are when a parent leaves us or passes away, or becomes too ill to engage us, the harder it is to bond with others later. I canāt imagine the struggle an Autistic child has to go through though.
We can grow to resent it, all the love we see around us, and cry ourselves to sleep wondering why that canāt be us in a loving relationship. I think of 3 Doors Down (Be Like That) and John Rzeznik (Iām Still Here from Treasure Planet. Or thr music of Beth Hart, her renindition of Soul Shine is amazing but her other songs like I Keep the Light Onā¦ The pain, woah.
We blame ourslves, think there must be something wrong with us because no one can seem to get what we are going through, let alone take an interest in us. And it becomes extremely difficult when this experience of rejection occurs in the church. And it does. It is like the world canāt even see us.
The wound must be healed before bonding can begin. Raw emotions must be tapped into and released. Starting with scraping out all the infection. All the resentment, anger, pain must be processed and released. The subcobscious walls we put up to keep potential love away must be lowered. Music is a great way. Breaking objects is another.
I began with music ans crying quietly when I was younger alone in my room. Then when I was older, crying at the alter between classes in the sanctuary of my Universityās seminary. One cold snowy night my freshman year I went outside to the track and hid behind the bleachers where I screamed and screamed to God until I felt emptied. That scream was healing, it was a big first step in own journey to break free. I was cracking through the shell.
The church can seem very superficial when you stand in that kind of pain. People are natuarally repelled by the ugliness of the world. Most people arenāt equipped to deal with trauma and pain. But when you experience it in church, where Godās love is suppose to be, it is much worse. Then it is like God is rejecting you.
But as I journeyed, I came to realize that God had a plan for my life through all of this. Avalonās song, the Dreams I Dream For You based on Jeremiah 29:11 really spoke to me. But also,
āāThe stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; this was the Lordās doing, and it is marvelous in our eyesā?ā Mark 12:10-11
Those who are rejected by this world tend to have tremendous power toward doing the Lordās Work. Being broken is a precurser to being made whole. And by extension, useful. The empathy, faith, and strength, insight and more that can come from being an outsider watching a world that is unaware is pure riches. But because you learn to rely so heavily on God to get from point A to point B, you build a bond no demon can shake.
But the flip side to the same coin is the temptation to embrace destruction. The hate can grow monsterous. There must be a moment of facing that shadow and making peace with the journey.
Forcing God upon him may push him away, as we all tend to buck at the reigns when pulled or pushed. Better to use a carrot.
I came to God on my own. My parents never forced itā¦ I came to Him out of fear. But my faith has changed with time, with added dimension. My faith is strong regardless.
The trick to it all is love. Not a smothering love, or a controlling love, or a conditional loveā¦ It is sitting next to your kid when he is sad and telling him you are there for him and then sitting in silence until he speaks. It is taking him to the comic book store or someplace fun for some time together, eating outā¦ It is holding him and letting him cry without trying to stop it. Or let him scream. Or singing cathartic karaoke. Or having authentic moments of laughter together as life goes askew. It is expressing how much your son is worthā¦ And how truly loved he is and will always be. And if you absolutely have to, use words. But let every moment express it. Acceptance of him, no matter what.
At some point there is a shift. We begin to see the pain of others. We begin to step out of our shells and find ourselves, and we begin to lose that self focus for something greater than ourselves.
I will pray for him.
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