Praying for forgiveness for someone who identifies as evil

General Faith
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Hello, I’ve posted here before, along a similar vein with my question today. About 5 years ago, my brother died suddenly and under very suspicious circumstances, it’s my belief that his ex-wife drugged some food to kill him, she had her sights set on his house for herself, by going through their son.

The house belongs to me, but she immediately got a probate case going in court, and it’s still going on. The other day, my husband and I were discussing an incident where she tried to manipulate us into a situation, by using her son as a pawn for sympathy (I adored my nephew). My husband got angry, made an unkind comment about her and stated that he hopes she burns in hell.

I’ve been praying for her, not because I want to, but because I want to be obedient to God, but it occurred to me - how do evil people like Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer fall into the realm of forgiveness? I would put my brother’s ex-wife in that category, most like Charles Manson, the level of manipulation shared by both is the standout characteristic.

How do you pray for people that are so inherently evil like that? My brother’s ex-wife even asked me one time - “Why are you helping me? I’m evil”. I understand that God is miraculous, but in my heart of hearts, I believe that she is truly evil and wants to live her life that way, manipulating people out of money, etc. She’s also tried to manipulate other people that are Christians into thinking that she was embracing Christianity, but there was no evidence or fruit when these other Christians were not as involved with her.

I’d love to get some insight on this, thanks in advance.

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Welcome back, @mrsbunder. The desire for justice is not unbiblical; it reflects God’s own heart for justice. I commend your obedience. Praying for someone who has caused such profound damage is a heavy cross to bear, and doing it strictly out of obedience to God is a powerful testament to your faith.

It is important to remember that Psalms 10 and 37 openly cry out to God regarding the prosperity and arrogance of the wicked. Feeling grieved and angered by evil is an entirely natural human response that aligns with the biblical tradition of lament.

People often struggle to pray for “evil” people because they feel like they are being asked to pray for their happiness or blessing. Scripture shows us we are praying for something entirely different: repentance and conviction. Pray for blinding scales to fall: Pray that the Holy Spirit fiercely convicts them of their sin.

Pray for truth to be revealed: In Scripture, light exposes darkness (Ephesians 5:13). Pray that your manipulations fail and that the truth comes to light. Both in the probate court and in your personal relationships.

“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:23-26

We should gently instruct opponents in the hope that “God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil.”

The question of how “inherently evil” people fall into the realm of forgiveness strikes at the very core of the Gospel. It is scandalous because grace is scandalous. No one is too far gone for God, but execution requires repentance.

Figures like King Manasseh (who sacrificed his own children and filled Jerusalem with blood, yet repented and was forgiven in 2 Chronicles 33) or Saul of Tarsus remind us that God’s grace can reach the chief of sinners.

The cross satisfied both justice and mercy: If someone refuses to repent, they face the full weight of God’s wrath. If they do truly repent, the weight of their evil was already poured out on Christ.

Remember:

" For one will scarcely die for a righteous person, though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die, but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:7-8

Let God handle the ledger. Forgiveness isn’t saying the evil act didn’t matter; it is handing the courtroom over to the ultimate Judge, knowing He cannot be manipulated or bribed.

"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written,

"Vengeance is mine,
I will repay, says the Lord." Romans 12:19

Finally, biblical forgiveness does not mean being a doormat, nor does it demand reconciliation or lowering one’s guard against a known manipulator. Guarding the nephew, protecting the home, and letting the legal process play out are completely biblical acts of stewardship and wisdom.
Peter

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Thank you PeterC for your kind words of wisdom. Every morning, I pray for the truth to be revealed, and justice and accountability for the perpetrator’s actions. You mention guarding my nephew - to give you more background, his actions at the scene were very disturbing, to say the least. My brother was already deceased for several days, he waited a total of 4 days to report the death. When I got to the home, his only question to the police was “What about the ownership of the house?” He was almost 15 at the time, that’s a very specific question to ask, for a kid his age.

It’s “easier” for me to pray for him, because he’s been psychologically abused and manipulated by his mother ever since he was very young, she drilled into him to hate his father, which she was successful at. He lived with me for a year, when he was 11, going on 12, he was a good kid, he knew right from wrong, and was sensitive to people. I don’t have kids, I doted on my nephew and feel like I lost him along with my brother, his mother convinced him to not communicate with my husband and I after my brother’s death.

Since I know he’s been controlled by his mother all his life, I have an easier time praying for him, but on the flip side, he was at an age of accountability when this happened, and his cold-blooded behavior, and sole concern about the house, leaves me very unsettled. I pray that God sets him free from his mother’s clutches, and that he turns to God for his own salvation and restoration.

I can pray for his mother, in obedience to God, it’s my belief that she would never repent, and that’s for God to deal with. I’m trying to do the best I can to work through a horrific situation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and do it in a pleasing fashion to God. Thank you again for your encouragement.

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Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. Reading your post, I was struck by the fact that you are genuinely trying to honor God even while carrying so much grief and unanswered questions.

I also appreciate the distinction you made between praying for your nephew and praying for his mother. It sounds like you can still see the boy you once knew and are praying that God will free him from the influences that have shaped his life. That is a beautiful expression of hope.

I don’t think forgiveness means pretending that evil didn’t happen or that justice no longer matters. It sounds to me like you are doing exactly what Scripture encourages: bringing your pain to God, praying for truth to be revealed, and trusting Him with the outcome. I will be praying that God continues to give you wisdom, peace, and strength as you walk through this.

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One prays not for their forgiveness, that is between them and God, but for the courage and opportunity to point out where they are heading and that your 'goodness ’ towards them, like Gods goodness and mercy towards them is intended to lead them to repentance.

( see if you know the verse I’ve mangled ? )

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Who-me, I confess, I had to Google for the verse, Romans 2:4. I understand that it’s referencing that goodness/kindness that is shown to the person is intended to open their eyes and lead them to repentance. In the case of my brother’s ex-wife, I don’t believe that she would ever repent, she’s lived her life taking advantage of men for money, etc., not just my brother, and knowing her, I believe that she likes the lifestyle of a grifter. In my heart of hearts, I believe that some people are too far gone/too evil to repent. They’ll meet their judgement one day, and I know that my process of forgiveness isn’t contingent on her repenting. I mentioned that she’s tried to play the Christian card to manipulate people (3 specifics examples that I know of), if she suddenly professed that she was saved and came to Christ, I wouldn’t believe her. I held the same belief when OJ Simpson was in jail for the murders, his friend was coming to the jail with the bible, OJ professes that he was saved, but then went out and committed another violent crime years later, I believe that his initial profession of faith was for show.

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Ellenvera, thank you for your beautiful words, I often feel like I’m not working through this the “right way”, I appreciate your wisdom, which is encouraging to me.

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You may choose to forgive her, but there is no biblical requirement for any Christian to forgive an unrepentant offender.

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A Christian is never permitted to harbor bitterness or seek revenge, but Scripture does not explicitly require the granting of relational forgiveness to an unrepentant offender. Rather, believers are commanded to stand ready to forgive when repentance occurs (Luke 17:3–4)

J.

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Our example is to be Jesus who when crucified did not forgive his killers but prayed for them asking his Father to deal with them.

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Care to elaborate here @Who-me?

TEXTUAL NOTE: The first sentence (‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’) is absent from P75, the original hand of Codex Sinaiticus, Codex Vaticanus, and other early witnesses. It is present in the corrected Sinaiticus, Codex Bezae, and most later manuscripts. The SBLGNT includes it in double brackets**. The saying is consistent with Luke’s portrait of Jesus (cf. the prayer for persecutors and Stephen’s echo in Acts 7:60) and may have been removed by scribes who thought it inappropriate after the destruction of Jerusalem.** We include it but note the disputed evidence. The imperfect elegen (‘he was saying, he kept saying’) may indicate repeated prayer. The casting of lots for garments echoes Psalm 22:18.
[TCR Cross-Reference] Echoes Psalm 22:18. See the TCR’s OT rendering for the Hebrew behind this passage and the translation rationale.

Luk_23:34 The first part of Luk_23:34, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing,” is found in the Greek manuscripts אcf8 i*,2, A, C, D2, L, and 0250. It is also found in the Greek manuscripts used by Marcion, the Diatessaron, Justin, Irenaeus, Clement, Origen, Eusebius, Chrysostoma, Jerome (Vulgate), and Augustine. It is omitted in P75, אcf8 i1, B, D*, W, and 070. The UBS4 (1993) rates its omission as “A” (certain). The UBS3 (1975) rates its omission as “C” (difficulty in deciding). There is no parallel in the other Gospels. It is similar to Stephen’s last words in Act_7:60, which may be an allusion to these words of Jesus.

However…

While some early manuscripts (P75, א, B) omit Luke 23:34a, the phrase is strongly attested in the Byzantine text and early Church Fathers. The UBS4 rates its omission as {A}, but many scholars (including Reformed ones) argue for its originality based on patristic support and Lukan themes. Regardless, the doctrine of Christ’s forgiveness is unquestionably biblical (Eph 1:7), and His example of forgiving enemies is clearly taught elsewhere (Matt 5:44; Acts 7:60).

J.

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Just the fact that you want to pray for others shows that you’re not only obedient to God, but a person with a loving heart.

2 Likes
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Ummm. Not sure this is correct. I would love to hear your point of view on this.
Peter

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Whether the prayer should be there or not, I’m not qualified to judge.

It is there without any quailfying footnotes, so I accept it is accurate.

The prayer is not Jesus forgiving his killers but him asking God to forgive them.

We when in a situation where an offender will not or cannot repent, do the same thing.

We hand the situation, the offender(s), and our feelings over to God for him to deal with.

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Luke23:**33 **When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. **34 **Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."[c] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

The words are very simple, he is asking his Father to forgive them.

There is No ’ I forgive them’ just a plain request.

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Just curious, can you ask for forgiveness for someone of who you have not forgiven? Is the act of asking for their forgiveness an expression of ultimate grace that transcends personal emotional closure?
Peter

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We are talking about a serious dramatic incident in ones life where one has been really hurt by the actions of another who not only does not see that they have hurt one but are unwilling to consider they have been offensive.

In such a situation there is no requirement to forgive the offender. Biblically if they reject ones attempt to talk to them, one goes to ones church elders for them to talk to the offender, and if they belong to the church and still will not listen, for the church to be told not to associate with that person.

Mean while one also takes the incident, the offender and ones feelings to God, lay it all out before him and ask him to deal with the offender and ones feelings.

Then one prays intelligently and regularly for the offenders well being.

It is not a case of saying ’ Oh God forgive my persecutors.’ but Father work in the life of my slander and show him your mercy and grace and help me not to hold a grudge against theirinjust acts.

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Thank you for this thoughtful perspective. I think you’ve hit on a vital distinction here regarding boundaries. You’re completely right that from a structural standpoint, like Matthew 18, reconciliation requires bilateral cooperation, and we aren’t commanded to pretend a relationship is restored when the other person refuses to acknowledge the harm.

Where my mind is lingering is exactly where you ended your post. That moment of praying for the offender’s well-being, asking God to show them mercy and grace.

To me, choosing to ask God to work in their life and show them mercy before our own emotions have found closure feels like the ultimate expression of grace. It means we are choosing to use our will to desire their ultimate spiritual good, even while our feelings are still processing the pain. In a way, asking God for their ultimate well-being moves the debt out of our hands entirely. It’s less about the offender “getting off easy” and more about us refusing to let bitterness anchor us to the incident.
Peter