So I signed up for a missions trip to Germany in August, that I thought God was calling me too, as all the doors opening. I’ve already bought plane tickets. However, I’m now having doubts whether I am ok to go.
doubt number one is my sexuality. I’ve struggled with SSS (same sex attraction) all my life. Though I know that dosent mean I’m gay, it has made interacting and sharing rooms with other men hard as I am often aroused.
Doubt number two is America. On May 16th, America will be dedicated to God. I don’t know if that will make the US a new Israel, but if it does, I don’t want to leave America as I may fall in love with Germany, and then realize it is not Hod’s country and the get angry at God for founding and “ugly nation” as I strongly dislike American consumer culture.
It’s okay to have doubts, but if you originally felt called to do missions work, the doubts are valid but coming from a place that shouldn’t affect that, I say don’t worry about political climates or what is going on as far as the u.s being made into whatever.
As for the SSS, you have made it thus far in life, you have the willpower to resist and God to help you resist further, I think you will do great. Also it’s an amazing opportunity.
I will pray for you I hope you are well.
It sounds like you’re about to be pressed against the flame, and hammered on, and shaped and purified! I’d be so STOKED about it! It’s a very confusing, scary, uncomfortable (to say the least) process but God is doing something in you..in your life..and I’d be so excited by it!
All those doubts? That’s the liar whispering “don’t go..they’ll prosecute you..you’ll feel ashamed..they’ll talk about you behind your back..they won’t accept you” yadda yadda yadda. The same words the liar whispered to me when I was convicted by the HS to confess my sins with my mouth to another Christian. I chose a woman in our women’s ministry to hear my confession. My take away? He lied..which is what the liar does..and God went before me and won that battle..and I get to rejoice!
I don’t think you need to have every fear or struggle perfectly resolved before serving God or going on a missions trip.
What stood out to me is that you originally felt called and that doors kept opening. Sometimes fear and overthinking can make us start questioning everything afterward.
I also would be careful about putting too much spiritual weight on political events or trying to identify one modern country as “God’s country.” God’s kingdom is bigger than any one nation.
As for your other concern, being aware of your struggles and wanting to handle them responsibly already says something important about your heart and intentions.
I think this may be less about whether you are “worthy enough” to go, and more about continuing to trust God one step at a time.
One area of doubt and struggle for me has been same-sex attraction. I have wrestled with it for much of my life. While I do not believe temptation itself defines my identity, it has at times made close interactions and shared spaces with other men difficult. I desire to walk faithfully before Christ and grow in holiness, even amid these struggles.
…and I do not think you would appreciate my advice, so I will refrain from giving it.
I think it’s human to have self-doubt. Don’t let that stop you from doing something you feel called to do. However, if your heart truly isn’t in it, then you might want to reconsider.
