@Dogmum, I appreciate your thoughtful response.
What you describe is exactly what I’m talking about: Parental indoctrination into Christianity, early immersion in Christianity, rejection of a harsh Christianity that seemed toxic, landing in a more personally appealing and satisfying version of Christianity, and now an inner knowing that you have a real relationship with Jesus.
It has all been within the echo chamber of Christianity. It’s all based on assumptions, choices and feelings. It’s exactly the way I described “many” or “most” Christians being. Do you really think you’d be making these same assumptions and choices and having these same feelings if you’d been born into a fifth-generation Hindu family in New Delhi?
It’s an unexamined faith, one not particularly concerned with ultimate Truth. Truth is just sort of assumed: The God of Christianity exists, the Bible is his Word, Jesus is his divine son, all other religions are false, and so on and so forth. Again, none of this seems quite so self-evidently obvious and true to someone born into a Hindu family in New Delhi (or the Dalai Lama, for that matter).
My journey began with a startling, explicitly Christian supernatural experience more than 50 years ago. I would’ve been a perfect candidate for your type of Christianity. After immersion in Campus Crusade and a Southern Baptist seminary, however, I had to admit: I just didn’t believe it, simple as that. If I were ever going to believe it, I needed a much solider foundation than a Baptist preacher factory was going to give me.
I thus began a quest that has now spanned more than 50 years. I investigated all the major religions and all the scientific disciplines that seemed relevant to me. I dived as deeply into Christian theology and apologetics as anyone you are ever likely to meet.
As far as the sort of Christianity exemplified by these forums is concerned, I still had to admit: I just didn’t believe it. But now I had more than just an intuition. I had a solid foundation in theology, a number of scientific disciplines, history, archaeology and textual criticism. IMO, this sort of Christianity just doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. This is why “many” or “most” Christians are afraid of scrutinizing it and prefer to live in their echo chambers.
I wanted a belief system that I really believed was the closest to the ultimate Truth, even if it turned out to be atheism. It didn’t, however. I have a deep conviction in the existence of a creator, a providential God who has, I believe, demonstrated his reality to me in objective ways throughout my life. Unlike “many” or “most” Christians, I don’t pretend to have certainty or tidy connect-the-dots answers; I am more than content with a small number of deep convictions and the acceptance of a fair amount of mystery and uncertainty.
You suggest I rely too much on my intellect and not enough on my “heart.” I do indeed rely heavily on the intellect with which God has blessed me. I think he expects me to. I don’t think he is impressed by a head-in-the-sand sort of “faith” that insists the earth is 6,500 years old (surely you don’t), Genesis is literally true, the Bible is inerrant and infallible, and so on and so forth. To me, and most scholars, this is just nonsense, demonstrably false. The Jesus of history and the Christ of Pauline theology are two very different people with very different messages, and what the Jesus of history was hoping to achieve was something far more radical and transforming than the Christianity of today.
Yes, I want my faith to be as rational and informed as it can possibly be. My “heart” is involved to the extent that it tells me what any God worthy of the name could possibly be like and what his plan for creation could possibly be – and exclusivist, eternal torment, my-way-or-the-highway Christianity just isn’t it.
Could I be wrong? Sure, and so could you, and so could every Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist. We all do the best we can with what we’ve been given. I differ from you only in that I cheerfully admit I could be wrong and can live with this possibility. Can you live with the possibility that the Jesus with whom you now think you have a relationship is actually a figment of your imagination, a psychological projection? (I’m not saying he is, merely that an honest faith at least confronts and considers this possibility.)
What amuses me is how those in the echo chamber of what the atheists love to call blind faith or mindless faith always view their position as superior, as somehow more pleasing to God even as they cling to nonsense like a Young Earth. WHY would this sort of faith be pleasing to any God worthy of the name? I don’t believe it’s possible to “overthink” ultimate Truth, and I believe God wants us to explore it and think about it as deeply as we can.
If your faith suffices for you, fine. As I recognized and accepted more than 50 years ago, only a lobotomy would have kept me in this sort of Christianity. Where you suggest I’ve “missed [my] choice by 12-14 inches,” apparently meaning by overusing my brain, I might challenge you to step out of the echo chamber long enough to explore the actual history of Judaism and Christianity, the turbulent times in which Jesus lived, the incredible variety of early Christianities that competed with what become orthodox Christianity, the distinctly non-edifying history of the Council of Nicaea and other Ecumenical Councils, and some of the scholarly historical and textual criticism of the Bible. It might be quite eye-opening and even enriching.
Just a kindly observation that I overthink things and don’t allow my heart to simply believe in God.