Skeptic to Christian... Still Trying to Understand

Introductions
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Hi everyone.

I’m from the UK and I’m completely new to the Christian faith.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated by the biggest questions in life.

As a kid I’d spend hours looking up at the stars wondering what was really out there. If I’m honest, there was a time I probably thought “the Greys” were more likely to have the answers than anyone in a church. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

That curiosity stayed with me into adulthood.

I found myself reading about science, philosophy, history, consciousness, archaeology, UFO/UAP reports—anything that might help me understand reality. I wasn’t searching for Christianity. I was searching for what was true.

Then my life changed.

About ten years ago my daughter died.

What followed was probably the darkest period of my life. Looking back now, I think I spent the next decade trying to make sense of everything. I wasn’t just asking whether God existed anymore. I was asking why suffering exists, what happens after death, whether there’s anything beyond this life, and whether any of it could actually be known.

That search took me everywhere.

Eventually, through listening to people like Paula Ann Luna and Joe Rogan, I heard the Book of Enoch mentioned. I picked it up purely out of curiosity, expecting it to be another interesting rabbit hole.

Instead, it became an unexpected turning point.

Enoch led me back to the Bible.

The Bible led me to Jesus.

And somewhere along the way, something changed in me.

I still can’t fully explain it, but I know I’m not the same person I was before. I call that day “G-Day,” because that’s the day everything changed.

Since then I’ve started attending church every Sunday, completed Christianity Explored, begun reading the Bible properly, and learned how to pray.

This weekend we had a visiting pastor from Mississippi preach at our church. During his sermon he mentioned Antony Flew, and afterwards I introduced myself because, in many ways, it felt like he’d just described my life. I was never looking for something comforting to believe. I always felt that if something was true, there should be good reasons to believe it.

One thing you’ll probably notice if I post here is that I ask a lot of questions—sometimes unusual ones! Please don’t mistake that for trying to argue. Questioning is simply how my mind has always worked. I’m here to learn, and I’m genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives from people who know the Scriptures far better than I do.

I’m looking forward to getting to know you all.

God bless.

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Welcome

Many of us have followed circuitous routes. However, the power of the truth to resonate in the heart of one seeking truth can change a life.

Here is a web site with some interesting resources https://christianpioneer.com/

Here is a short article from the blog archive that touches on the subject of why there is some suffering from God (in addition to the suffering we inflict on each other and ourselves).

Why the Flood?

One of the first bible stories children learn is about the Ark with the animals. One can understand the animal emphasis for children as the extermination of all human life on the planet except for eight people seems particularly grim. We can learn a little more about God if we take a closer look at the circumstance that resulted in such a significant act.

And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. - Genesis 6:5

After Adam and Eve were tempted into sin and became disconnected from God, God cursed the earth. This meant that getting food would be difficult. One might take it as proven by history that the natural state of man disconnected from God is selfishness sometimes so profound that it can range from self-harm to the death of millions. One might see in the difficulty God gave to man in getting food not so much a punishment, but an obstacle so that people would be forced to help each other. One might think of it as a curb to our natural selfishness.

Apparently God’s first attempt to limit our natural selfishness proved insufficient. If one considers the changes after the flood, one might gauge the degree of difficulty increase. A shorter lifespan, susceptibility to disease, winter, drought, and other vicissitudes of weather. One might consider that the permission to eat meat was a concession to how much more difficult it would be to find food, particularly in winter. As a result, with survival on the line, people would be occasionally motivated to subordinate enough of our natural selfishness to help each other and even occasionally to have an interest in God.

God is often portrayed in familial terms as a father. It can help to understand that the biological and environmental pain we feel is a necessary curb on our natural selfishness. Our ancestors without this curb failed completely to resist our tendency towards self-destruction. The Roman book Satryicon is a story of the lives of people with too much time and money. It is a picture not only of decedent Rome but of all periods in history where people who have prosperity devolve into a state like those of people before the flood.

The idea of evolution is perhaps most important to Satan to promote as it cripples belief in God. However, that collectivized mankind can produce a utopia is perhaps second in importance to him. The appeal of Marxism (everyone can have everything all the time) resonates so strongly with our selfish nature that we are willing to accept almost anything. God created families while Satan created collectives. Satan has used collectives since the Industrial revolution to mitigate many of the difficulties God introduced after the flood. As a result, today many are returning to the state of humanity before the flood where every imagination of their heart is only evil continuously.

The book of Revelation describes a time on earth called the tribulation. During this time at least half of the people on earth will be killed. While not as lethal as the flood on a percentage basis, it will still be epic. An important lesson to learn from the flood is;

Isa 55:6 Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

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It sounds like your still looking for truth and that’s not a bad place to be at all. God said, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jerimiah 29:13 I have always thought of Christianity as believing is seeing. The world says it the other way - seeing is believing. Certainly asking questions, reading the Bible, following the evidence can lead to a decision, but it’s only when that decision is made that Jesus becomes truly real in your heart. Believing is seeing Him.
Acquiring knowledge is a good thing and a necessary thing, but knowledge doesn’t save anyone because it’s in the head. It needs to go to the heart. It’s having a relationship with Jesus as our Lord, friend and Savior that is the basis of our redemption and that involves our heart. Jesus fulfilled the law and we are not under the law. Love covers a multitude of sins and it’s Jesus love for us that did away with our sin.
There are different perspectives on the Bible, but there is only one truth. We sometimes have a different take on what a Scripture is saying because we are all very different in ourselves, but all perspectives lead to one truth. To be a Christian is supernatural. The living God lives in our heart. We follow Jesus and aim to please Jesus. Not the law, but Jesus. That may look different for different people, but it all comes to the same thing.
So I encourage you on your journey and sincerely hope you find Jesus to be the answer to the biggest question of life. He is the answer to the biggest and only question of life. May you come to know Him personally as your Lord, your Savior and your friend.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply.

I really appreciated what you said about knowledge needing to move from the head to the heart. Looking back over the last few months, that’s probably the biggest change I’ve experienced.

One thing I should probably clarify is that my original post describes how my journey began, but I’m actually a little further along now. I’m no longer searching to see whether Jesus is real. Earlier this year I gave my life to Christ, I’ve completed Christianity Explored, I’m part of a local church here in the UK, and today I can honestly say that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour.

Now my questions aren’t really, “Is Christianity true?” They’re more, “Help me understand this passage,” or, “How have other Christians understood this over the centuries?” I love studying Scripture and learning from people who have walked with Christ much longer than I have.

Thank you again for your encouragement and for reminding me that Christianity isn’t simply about accumulating knowledge—it’s about knowing Christ. That’s something I never really understood until this year.

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Welcome @CinematicAvenger. Love the name. Of course. You are seeking that which is more precious than anything you could attain on earth. Wisdom.

“How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” Proverbs 16:16

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17

I had a similar experience a long time ago. I had two people claiming to be Christians, one telling me that to be saved, I have to speak in tongues, be baptised, dance in church, and be slain in the spirit. The other? The other? Speaking in tongues is nothing more than a language that you were not born with, and it is for edification only and should never be done in church. Baptism is nothing more than an outward proclamation of your faith, and church needs to be held in reverence and respect. How could they both be right?

This led me to search out the truth. I tell you this in the hopes I can save you a lot of time. I looked into Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam. I even found that being a Jedi (yes, of Star Wars creation) was a real religion.

It was not until I was getting so frusterated, when I heard it clear as day. “Are you done?” God? Angel? My own inner personal voice? I have no idea. But I said, “Yes. I’m done. How can they all be right?” I heard, “Want to know the truth? Stop learning from the creation, start learning from the Creator.” I have never looked back.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."James 1:5

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16

Keep asking questions. Read the Word, the Bible for yourself. Do not just read it, but do so prayerfully. Something like this in your own words. “Lord, as I enter your Word, I pray for truth and revelation. I pray that I have eyes to see what you want me to see, Ears to hear what you want me to hear, and a Spirit to receive and understand it. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

You will find many here willing to help as much as we can. May God be with you.
Peter

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Hi, thank you for the warm welcome. I really appreciate it.

I enjoyed reading your thoughts. I definitely agree that humanity has an incredible capacity for selfishness, and history sadly gives us plenty of examples of that.

The Flood is actually one of the subjects that fascinates me most. Since becoming a Christian I’ve read the Book of Enoch several times, and I found it added another perspective to the events surrounding Genesis 6. I know it’s not considered Scripture by most Christian traditions, so I’m careful not to place it on the same level as the Bible, but I do find it raises some interesting questions when read alongside Genesis.

I’m still very early in my walk with Christ, so one thing I’m trying to learn is how Christians distinguish between what Scripture explicitly teaches and the conclusions we draw from it. That’s something your post made me think about.

I also wanted to say that you’re right about one thing with complete certainty: I’m no longer searching for whether God exists. A few months ago I would have called myself a lifelong atheist. Today, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ. Now my questions are less about whether God is real, and much more about understanding Him and His Word more deeply.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply and for sharing the resources. I’ll have a read through them.

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@CinematicAvenger , you may like this article. Jack Kelley is one of my favorite Pastors and I’m in agreement with much of what he says. I especially like his audio studies and he’s a fine speaker. Very personable in his approach.
https://gracethrufaith.com/topical-studies/becoming-who-we-are/

‘Becoming who we are’ is ideal for a newish Christian and he references applicable Scripture. I hope you find it helpful and enjoyable.

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Welcome to the forum.

Do post your question, doubts and queries here. You’ll get multiple replies, do also question your minister and the leaders of the christianityexplored course you did.

They are other sources of information.

Looking forward for your thought stirrer.

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Here are two additional resources for new believers that might help.

PDF