A full Jewish wedding, as practiced in the Second Temple and Rabbinic eras and echoed in Scripture, unfolds in vivid covenantal stages with verbs of covenant and action, and this image itself teaches much about how Christian marriages remain strong under Christ.
The Jewish wedding begins with shidduchin שִׁדּוּכִין, the arrangement or proposal, where families agree and the bridegroom kotev כּוֹתֵב (writes) the ketubah כְּתוּבָּה, the marital contract spelling out his obligations, protections, and promises to the bride. Here already we see a covenantal verb of writing, as in Exodus 24:12 where God commands Moses to write חָתוּב the words of the covenant. The couple then proceeds to erusin אֵרוּסִין (betrothal), sanctifying the union publicly and binding legally even before consummation. The groom noten נוֹתֵן (gives) her a ring and recites the words “Behold you are mekudeshet מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (sanctified) to me according to the law of Moses and Israel” — the same verb kadesh God uses to set apart His people (Leviticus 20:8). This sanctification, a setting-apart for each other, captures the exclusivity of covenant love. After a period of preparation, the bridegroom comes at last to the bride’s home in a joyous procession, and together they nichnasim נִכְנָסִים (enter) the chuppah חֻפָּה, the bridal canopy, to stand under God’s covering. There, the nisuin נִשּׂוּאִין (marriage proper) is completed as the groom bo’eh בּוֹאֶה (comes in) to his bride and they are declared husband and wife, consummating the union physically and spiritually.
This pattern gives rich counsel for what keeps Christian marriages strong. Christian couples are called to kotev, to write and remember the covenant they have made before God, just as the ketubah is a visible record of promises kept. They must continually noten, give themselves in sacrifice and service, echoing Ephesians 5:25 where husbands are commanded to love ἀγαπᾷ (agapaō) their wives just as Christ gave (παρέδωκεν) Himself for the church. They must daily mekadesh, sanctify the marriage by resisting outside defilement and choosing holiness in thought, word, and deed. They must be willing to nichnasim, enter again and again into prayer and fellowship under God’s covering, keeping His Word central in their home. And they must finally bo’eh, come toward each other with forgiveness and intimacy, not withdrawing but pursuing unity even through conflict.
Love alone, understood as mere sentiment, is not enough to endure life’s storms. Biblical love, however, which bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7), is expressed through action — bearing burdens together, believing God’s Word over feelings, hoping in His promises, and enduring trials as one flesh. Prayer together strengthens the bond (Colossians 4:2), forgiveness prevents bitterness (Ephesians 4:32), humility keeps both hearts tender (Philippians 2:3), and service reminds each spouse that marriage reflects Christ’s self-giving love (Mark 10:45).
To those just beginning, my advice is simple but weighty: do not build on romance alone but on Christ crucified. Remember that marriage is a covenant of daily dying to self and rising together in His grace (Luke 9:23). Pray with your spouse every day even when you do not feel like it. Speak words that build up, not tear down (Proverbs 18:21). Do not keep score of wrongs but cover them in love (Proverbs 10:12). And return often to the image of Christ the Bridegroom who sanctifies His Bride, the Church, and prepares her spotless (Ephesians 5:26–27).
In short, strong marriages are written, given, sanctified, entered, and consummated again and again in faith — verbs of covenant lived in the Spirit, under the cross of Christ, for the glory of God.
J.
