Want to end my marriage

Marriage
1

I understand how sacred marriage is and i am definitely a supporter of honoring it. I also have found myself in a strange situation. I married someone much younger than me but i cant say that that is truly the issue. Yes, his maturity level and experience level is a lot different than mine. when it comes to experiences i really cant find many people to relate to but he is understanding of my life.
There are many good things about him but the issue for me is mostly, trust. we started our relationship in an odd place and though we have been married for over 5 years we have only lived together for over a year. My daughter was 6 when we got together and now she is 10. He was overseas and we had no idea what a mess it would be to get him here. He claims he has not every cheated on me phyiscaly only with porn or online chats. For me that is quite enough as it is… haha but one of the biggest issues was that when my spiritual gifts would work like dreams or visions from the Lord about what he was truly up to he would deny it and even call me names, use God against me, mock me call me a demon possesed witch etc. it was bad… then the Lord would guide me and things would open up that shouldnt (you cant without email confirmation or phone number yet somehow i would get into things and see truths) he would mislead me about people he knew and their names. I cant really explain how terrorized i was for those years, waiting loyally, praying day and night and trying to stay present for my precious child.
I resent myself and him for all the stress it caused us My daughter is truly a miracle and i feel ive let his man take precious time away from us and even brought strife between us.

I think of the future - i really can not every see myself feeling truly safe with him - like if i want to take my daughter to do girly stuff or if she or i have friends over - or even a simple store run i never feel safe around him.
i dont want to be petty but i dont want to lie to myself also and force myself to live a life of misery for a wrong realtionship. i mostly feel very beat down by him see through nothing like talking to a wall

i pray and pray and pray and still i can see myself having peace as a single momma to my little miracle. I am an author, artist, and minister also. I have so much going on and goals for our future, including helping other women and children and families in whatever ways the Lord allows more in the future.

he does not want to end it and says its all on me and spiritual warefare he isnt the same etc etc. when he first got here he was so violent it really traumtized us how i have reacted to him has shocked me and i have found myself acting in ways i never have before and have zero interest in that type of thing in my life. since then the last 6 months maybe a bit more now he has change those behaviors almost entirely he has overcome violence hugely and other behaviors i do see good in him i also can not shake the same vibes i had when he was still overseas and i was waiting for him. i get very similar spiritual things coming at me i really feel ending it could really help my daughter and i with peace in the future.

im not finding the balance i need. he cant have a normal job, cant stick to helping in the house our outside or doesnt do it very well usually, never feels good, almost always says something bad to us if we want to go to a family day at the park or do anything. always puts some bad omen on us. i am physically unwell sicnce childhood and taken more hits then he knew this i def need someone stronger than a child if i am to give my entire life to them. ugh

i could use prayer. thank you!

1 Like
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I will certainly pray that you are able to get good advice from your minister and from a lawyer.

3

You’ve said a WHOLE lot but the question to consider and start with is why and how did you get into the position you’re in and with a child that isn’t the husband’s. It’s easy to seek solace from outside parties but it changes nothing nor does it help you be accountable for the choices made to get you in the dilemma you’re in. As a minister where was discernment?! It sounds like you’re married to an unbeliever. Instead of seeking pity and comfort from outsiders seek the Lord. And take a look at yourself and the choices you made for yourself and daughter. Clearly there’s much more going on beneath the surface and until you face whatever it is you’ll continue ending up in situations and circumstances outside of the will of God for your life. You’re raising a daughter whose soil is fragile and the seeds sown from the relationship you speak of above will shape, mold and affect who she becomes in future!!

4

I read this weeping, for you and your family. I understand. May The Lord grant you His best for you, for your daughter, and for your husband. I’m asking for that for you.
KP

5

Just a disclaimer… None of these examples may match your situation. This is just my opinion in general.

If you believe someone can love him more than you, then let him go. Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him and wants to be with him at the end of the day.

This isn’t a Christian answer. Just a human one.

But you cannot reclaim him. You cannot hang on to him. That’s not fair to him. When it’s over, it’s over.

Nor is it fair for anyone involved to hang on to a releationship that just doesn’t work.

Mistakes happen. People are incompatible, or grow distant. Or just aren’t wired to have a relationship or to be a parent. You can’t fight the truth.

Would you leave a child with a mentally ill parent who abuses or could kill them? No. Not if you valued their well being.

So why expect a person to be bound to a relationship where there is no love? Where you don’t support each other? Where you argue when you are together and find relief when they are gone?

Marriage is contractual. It is just business. As it always was. “Two cows and I get a bride too? Sign me up! And Children to do free work?? Hot diggity dog!”

The sin is in the lack of love, in my opinion. Even if you stay together… If you have no love, you have already broken what was sacred. All there is left to do is ask for forgiveness.

The physical law is fulfilled by staying together. But the physical law is only a shadow of the True Law.

The True Law can only be fulfilled by Love. And I am not just talking about marriage. The whole of the Law, given to us by God to live by, every bit of it, can only be fulfilled by Love.

And this is not a fluffanutter concept. Love is eternal. It cannot die. It is not a feeling. It is more than that.

Love is acceptance. Love is sacrifice. Love hurts us when others suffer and we can do nothing to stop it. Love is being uncomfortable, being wrong, asking for forgiveness, mending fences. It is being inspired to grow more mature to rise to the occasion and give someone what they need. Or It is letting go when we realize we aren’t good for them or good together.

It is the essense of the Holy Spirit. And we must align with love to be right with God. If we are to ever know eternity.

If you find one day that you do not love someone, whether it is a parent, spouse or a child… Then you never actually loved them. It was just a contract.

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You made a wrong decision that you have to get with God about. In all likelihood, you could do it again if you don’t deal with how it happened. But. Your husband is committing adultery, too. You are biblically free to leave. Why hasn’t anyone said this before now?

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Where there is no love, there is no trust. Feeling safe is important in every situation. You should feel safe, allways!
Your home should be your sanctuary, your nest, place of zen.
Your husband should be your protector, your provider, your confidant, your lover!
It is never easy to end things. But in order for a new beginning to take a place, you have to end what doesn’t work anymore.
Be honest, be true, be strong.
You already know what u need to do.
Thrust yourself!

You will be in my prayers :pray: