What to Do if You Still Struggle with Sexual Sin as a Christian

General Faith
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Christians may still be tempted by sexual sin because the flesh remains present (Galatians 5:17), but they are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:6–14). The mark of a believer is not the absence of temptation but the presence of a Spirit-enabled battle against it, fleeing from it, and seeking holiness in obedience to Christ.

Paul himself could say near the end of his life.

1Co 9:23 But I do all things for the sake of the gospel, that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
1Co 9:24 Do you not know that those who run in the stadium all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
1Co 9:25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
1Co 9:26 Therefore, the way I am running is not aimlessly; the way I am aiming my blows is so as not to be striking the air;
1Co 9:27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:27

The Christian life is not the absence of warfare, it is warfare empowered by the Spirit of God.

J.

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I hope something in the article can be of help and encouragement to you. One other thing that comes to my mind is I wonder if it would actually be more helpful to you to focus on something else—a hobby, volunteering at church, reading, gardening, whatever it may be—in order to fill your mind with “whatever is good and true and right…” (Phil 4:8) instead of dwelling on and potentially obsessing over your temptation.

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Amen Brother. Taking every thought captive to the obedience of the Lord.

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Unrepentant sexual sin would be a problem for sure.

I have a theory that some sexual sins are worse than others…?? I think that fornication is not as bad of a sexual sin than say, homosexuality. I think that for a couple reasons. One is, scripture calls homosexuality as an abomination to God, whereas fornication or adultery is not called abominable. Plus, correct me if I’m wrong (lol) but God gave men and women a very high sex drive which was necessary I think because if He didn’t, then mankind would be much less interested in sex and consequently not be fruitful and multiply, which God wanted for us. If God didn’t make it feel so good then who would even do it? It would be a chore instead of a pleasurable desire.

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I’ve tried writing, the homosexuality makes it in there in subtle ways. I don’t write gay stories, but I find myself dreaming up male characters that I would find attractive, say a handsome hockey player or a popular high school jock. And also writing strong women characters, so even that’s affected. I don’t know what other hobbies to do. I’m not big into playing music. I’ve considered cooking, but that takes lots of time and money and also space

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I know. That’s why I just am hopeless with it. Trying to pray the gay away.

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Do you have a church community? Most churches have opportunities to connect and serve. Local libraries are also a good resource. Many offer free classes, events, book clubs, etc., especially during the summer.

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Actually, speaking of emotional affairs, I just came across this article:

Basically, it’s investing your heart and mind romantically into a person other than your spouse. I think an emotional affair can often be a slippery slope leading to a physical affair if it’s not cut off. The boundaries of the relationship might seem blurred or gray, but it can easily lead to very consequential sin. Jesus also said that “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). So, I think all sexual sin (like all sin) is ultimately a heart issue.

As far as fantasy, I think the article is referring to sexual fantasies that someone may indulge when they’re lusting after someone (could be connected to pornography or someone who is not their spouse).

Does that help to clear it up a bit?

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Yes in the context of marriage. An emotional affair with someone other than your spouse is a type of adultery. But what if you’re not married? Isn’t your heart and mind invested romantically in someone prior to marriage? Isn’t that what takes place before marriage is considered? So I’m wondering if an emotional affair only applies to those who are married.

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I do, but it’s very small and old. I don’t want them to know I’m possibly gay

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I think that may be a poor way to put it. I think when you say possibly gay that it sounds almost like, you are shaking hands with it, even though you have some amount of self control. So I think you should disassociate yourself from it?

Learn something new every day.

James 4:7

**7 **Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you…/KJV

Resist the devil and he will flee from you. SOunds good and perhaps how you should confront your temptations, yes? That has made sense to me for a long time. This morning, I learned even more!

1 Corinthians 6:18

18 Flee Fornication.. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body…/ KJV

1 Corinthians 6:12-20

**12 **You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. **13 **You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. **14 **And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

**15 **Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! **16 **And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”[d] **17 **But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. **19 **Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, **20 **for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body…/NLT

So we are not to fight sexual immorality, we are to run from it. Run for your life. I can see the difference here between resisting and fleeing. Here is where I got that teaching so you can watch it, They explain it better than I can so, it’s good.

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I’m worried because I’m tempted by it

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Have some discipline to be able to say no. It’s not that hard to do. I was the youngest kid ina family of 6 so I got to see everything and everybody and hear all the talk. I learned early on, wow that type of girl that so and so had is weird and don’t date a girl like that. So as incredible as it may seem, I learned to say no to women. You can learn to say no to yourself. Stand tall Brother.

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What makes my situation harder is that men can easily avoid tempting woman as men and women are kept seperate in bathrooms, dorms, locker rooms. But if you are tempted by men as a man, it’s even worse because they places that are supposed to not let you be tempted tempt you

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I agree, just quoting scripture doesn’t work. It becomes preachy and judgmental. We all sin and many many struggle with sexual sin, it is a big topic in the bible

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Do you enjoy sports, pickleball has many leveled players. Inexpensive too.

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While there may be some truth to that, it’s not the problem. It’s like saying I have to pass a bar on the way to work and it’s the bar’s fault that I’m tempted to drink. Many people pass that bar every day and aren’t tempted. It’s not the bar, but something in me that’s the problem and it’s that something in me I need to deal with.

As long as there’s a question mark in your mind as to whether you will or won’t, the temptation rages on and one day you will likely succumb. You need to make a firm decision and settle the matter. God can work with a firm decision. Your issue is straight forward and the only cause of your confusion is self pity and indecisiveness. Different issue, but I’ve been where you are. Fence sitting is very uncomfortable. I mean no insult to you.

Do you remember reading about Joseph when he worked in Potiphar’s house? It’s in Genesis 39. Joseph had the perfect opportunity to sleep with Potiphar’s wife. He was a normal man with normal desires, but he was firm in his mind that to do so was sin. Since the matter was already settled in Joseph’s heart, he resisted her and the temptation to sin didn’t overwhelm him.

I’m thinking you need to do the same thing and make a firm decision. It’s only the ‘what if’ and ‘maybe’ in temptation that causes us turmoil.

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Good. I’ve heard the bar analogy before, but the problem with my situation is that it’s like if cheese sandwiches are served at school instead of pbj because they know some kids may be allergic to Peanuts but one kid is allergic to cheese. That’s like me, what is supposed to curb sin causes me sin

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I don’t think that you are being honest with yourself.

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You cannot go it alone. “Praying the gay away” does not work. If you are not going to church because you are afraid someone may know you are possibly gay, then perhaps you are not really interested in giving that up.

This may sound harsh. Everyone here keeps giving you sound Bible advice, and you keep rejecting it. Or you make excuses. You talk about writing stories, fantasizing, being turned on by same sex people in various states of undress, not going to church because you do not want them to know. This is not a repentant person looking for a way out. It sounds more like a person who wants to have the sin and God too. That is not possible.

I’m starting to think you are really just trolling here. I truly hope not, but remember there is a limit. There is a time when even God gives you up to the passions of your heart.

" For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen." Romans 1:21-25

Remember, you can fool people, and even yourself, but not God.

“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” Galatians 6:7

Be careful, my friend. Time runs out. We do not know what tomorrow brings.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." Isaiah 55:6-7

Peter