I’ve talked with a lot of people who walked away from church after being judged or let down by people there, and some of them ended up walking away from God too. I get it, it’s hard to separate the two when the hurt came from inside the building. What helped me was remembering that people failing me isn’t God failing me. Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. If you’ve been through church hurt, what helped you keep going with God, or what would you tell someone in the middle of it?
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By forgiving them. Praying for them. Then my faith would not be kept separate from them as we are one body, one Faith, One God.
What is it to me that a Brother in Christ at the church needs to learn certain things still? Yes, the answer is in forgiving them unconditionally and praying that they receive Wisdom & Understanding. Regardless of the exact circumstances.
That’s a good way to put it, forgiving is what finally loosened it for me too. It took me a while though, I had to be honest about being hurt before I could really let it go. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Did it come slowly for you or pretty quick?
Oh it came slowly for me. I feel like I’m in the remedial class sometimes, lol. But the Lord did finally get it through my head. Someone very close to me hurt me very bad. It felt good and justified for me to be angry and bitter with them because of it. And the Lord showed me that, that is allowing a seed of Bitterness into my heart which would absolutely cause spiritual damage to my heart. And if left unchecked, or even if nurtured(!) would grow into a full fledged root and then a tree, which over time would do more damage to me than to the other party. Sure when we are angry at whoever that energy goes out into the world and to them, but it is not as bad as having a rooted tree within myself which would inhibit my spiritual growth tremendously.
And so I prayed the words, I forgive them, but my heart was not present with the words. I still disliked them! It didn’t take me too awful long to realize that I couldn’t really forgive them. But I don’t want to fail, or hurt myself. So I made it an act of my will to forgive them even if I can’t feel it in my heart. I gave it to the Lord as what it was, reluctancy coupled with a desire to obey so by my will and the Lord’s help I do forgive them…And I prayed that every day for weeks. Then something weird happened one morning. I woke up and began to pray and forgive them and I could feel it in my heart that I had forgiven them and now I had peace about it in my heart and spirit. But no way was it fast, just repeated proclamations that by an act of my will I do forgive them, and if I am not willing to forgive them then I am willing to be made willing to forgive them, It just took awhile, lol! I feel lots better, no more revenge ideas or anything! .
Thanks for sharing that, Edward. The bit about making it an act of your will and trusting the feeling to catch up later really helps me. I never thought of it as being made willing, but that fits. Hebrews 12:15 says, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Sounds like you pulled that root before it took over.
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Churches are imperfect - you are going to get hurt. You are going to hurt people. But churches have a lot to offer.
Totally fair, Bob. I think that is what made it easier for me to stay, seeing that the church is full of regular people still figuring it out, me included. The hurt was real, but so were some of the folks who showed up for me later. Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Back in my papist days, I was complaining to a priest friend of mine ( happened to be one of Mother Theresa’s priests in Calcutta ) about the church, and those in it.
His response; “Ah, so your getting to know this " lady " you’ve married.”
As a married man, I understood exactly what he meant. And that wisdom has served me well.
Im still married to the same woman, just not the same religious doctrines.
ha that priest line is great. getting to know the lady you married, honestly that reframes it. Ephesians 4:2 about bearing with one another in love always comes to mind when church people drive me nuts.