My husband of 21 years wrote a letter to me 3 months ago sharing over 25 statements that I have spoken over him from 2019 that has caused him great distress and hurt that he describes as me being holistically devaluing of his character. He lives in spare bedroom because he can not be near me. I did take ownership of words, he has forgiven but is still healing. He moved out of bedroom into spare bedroom in Oct 2025. We have not been intimate since then. We met with a marriage coach suggesting to start trying to rebuild friendship in hopes to restore desire for romance or intimacy again. Husband has no desire and looks at me only as a sister in christ. he is working on relationship with God in hopes to restore identity and confidence that I damaged. He is hesitant in doing so as he doe know if that will help restore any though connect or intimacy. Has anyones character been spoken poorly over by wife trying to rebuilding relationship was successful through spending time together even though you were not at a place to fully be on board with spending time together would change anything ?
May I make a few suggestions.
Why not write a letter to your husband telling him about those aspects of him that you respect and admire.
Suggest a time when you together read the bible and both pray, currently it is Ramadan so you could both pray for Christians living under Islamic rule, try open doors for information.
On a practical note, talk about planning a food menu together or seek tasks routines that the two of you could do together.
Lastly pray for him and your self.
It sounds like you have followed the biblical instructions for forgiveness. However, the aftermath of being hurt requires emotional healing. The phrase “once burned, twice shy” describes the withdrawal one has from potential pain. To regain trust and make one vulnerable again requires this sort of healing.
As already suggested writing a letter could be a good start. If there is a start to wanting to rebuild, one can establish a sort of signaling system such as using hand signals if a hurtful statement is inadvertently given. With humor this could be use even playfully.
If there is an activity such as fishing, bowling, or some other activity that he enjoys you might suggest that you both do it so he can begin to associate pleasurable sensations with you.
You can be intentionally solicitous of his mood and state of being which lets you know the “temperature of the water” as well as communicate your ongoing desire to make changes.
Satan sets the course of the world (for now and insofar as he is allowed by God) on of the ways to detect his plans is to see how he uses media. Most TV programs are designed to imprint people with an idea of how they are to interact with others. Women in general are seen to beat up men, insult them, and be demanding. This is done in general to attempt to promote selfishness. Men are also imprinted with ideas of casual fornication and self-indulgence.
Part of the reason for this is to guide us into self-destructive behaviors. Christianity offers the opposite influence. We are supposed to transition from the selfishness of the flesh to the selfless love of Christ. Here is a free booklet on how to walk by the Spirit that might have some use,
pdf - https://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/wbts.pdf
web pages - Christian Pioneer - Current blog