This is such a tough decision to make no matter what!
My family left a church when I was a teenager because they disagreed with a hiring decision and how the church became too focused on youth ministry to (in their mind) the neglect of deep theological teaching. While that may have been true to a certain extent, I think I and my siblings ended up getting very little out of church in the following years by attending an extremely small, extremely conservative non-denominational church where there were hardly any kids and no fellowship to be had for us. To be honest, I kind of hated church in high school because of this experience. By the grace of God I met someone in college who shared many of my theological beliefs and invited me to a college ministry associated with a church, and I’ve attended churches similar to that one ever since. I would now say that I dearly love going to church and it is a highlight of my week.
Because of the experience I had, I think it’s important to consider the whole family when deciding whether or not to leave a church. I think it’s also important to have a conversation with church leadership on why you’re leaving if at all possible. This can help to let them know it is nothing personal (for example, we recently left a beloved church home because their afternoon service time was becoming a negative rhythm for our family now that we have kids—we weighed this decision for years and ultimately decided our family’s wellbeing and connection was more important than toughing it out in a church community we loved), or if there is a theological or other issue that needs to be addressed. If the leadership is following the Lord, this could be a wake-up call for them, but if not, then perhaps it could be a wake-up call for other believers who see you leaving.
Those are some of my thoughts. This is always a tough call and shouldn’t be made lightly.
A tough call is right, and the longer you’ve been going the harder it is. I left the church I had grown to love and been a part of after 10 years because their teaching changed. They became inclusive which means they welcomed people of the lgbt+ community into all positions of authority in the church including pastorship and elders.
When Is it Time to Leave a Church?
The purpose of church is to help each member become like Christ.
Eph 4:13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
- If a church is unable to help you become like Christ.
- If a church becomes worldly.
- If a church becomes complacent.
- If a church follows a personality instead of Christ.
- If a church becomes greedy
Christianity should be about leaving behind the selfishness of the flesh and moving on to the selfless love of Christ-likeness. If a church is not doing this (or worse hindering it) then it may be time to look elsewhere.
Lord Jesus’ gave seven Messages to the seven Churches in Asia per Revelation 2 and 3, which still apply to all Christian Churches today. Those Messages are not about an idea some men have called Church Ages. No, they are seven guideposts to help you determine what kind… of Church you are in.
Lord Jesus had rebuke for 5 out of those 7 Churches, but not for members in those 5 Churches that were not guilty of what He told that Church to repent for.
Only 2 Churches Jesus had no rebuke for, the Church of Smyrna and the Church of Philadelphia. Those represent the only 2 Churches that stayed in and kept His Word. And that is one of the signs to look for, whether or not your Church is staying in the actual written Word of God, or having fallen away to the traditions of men and world doctrines.
I guess it’s time to leave a church when there is no good reason to stay.