You forgive them by praying for them…forgiveness is divine. You pray for them to have good things in their life peace, love, joy, health prosperity etc… You pray for them what you want God to do in your life. Before you know it the bitterness will be removed from your heart.
Matthew 5:43-48 AKJV
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. …
Hi,
That’s a great question.
You know what?
They don’t have to be sorry.
You have to be.
We are commanded to forgive.
It is not an option for the believer.
Plus, once you have forgiven whatever it is, you are not burdened by it any longer.
Forgiving others also sets you free.
Don’t waste a lifetime hating.
If the other person wants to, there’s not much you can do about it.
Just be yourself, be honest, and give your part of the burden to God.
Now the problem is solely their s.
Leave it that way.
Blessings
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So according to your theology, sinners do not have to repent of their sins nor do they have to change how they live as God will forgive them and save them?
Ephesian 5:1 say be imitators of God see:-
God does not forgive the unrepentant sinner,
Luke17:3. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
Please note this is consistent with the old testament teaching on sacrifices for sin and the Israelites turning away from God and how God restored them.
that is, repentance followed by forgiveness..
Last point. Please show me where I have said or implied that in not forgiving one hates?
@Who-me,
I understand your point of view; it is very clear and you have made your position plainly. You are not alone, I know other well-respected people who share your understanding of the dependency of forgiveness onrepentance. I see how you may come to that undrstanding through the Bible passages you have quoted. I do not share your view, but I am still growing too.
You wrote:
You are absolutely correct here. What you are suggesting is completely consistent with the requirements of the law; the legal relationship codified in the old (now obsolete) covenant that God made with Moses.
But,
… by so much more Jesus has become a surety of a better covenant. (Hebrews 7:22)
… He has obtained a more excellent ministry, inasmuch as He is also Mediator of a better covenant, which was established on better promises. For if that first covenant had been faultless, then no place would have been sought for a second. Because finding fault with them, He says: "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah– not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they did not continue in My covenant, and I disregarded them, says the LORD. For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. None of them shall teach his neighbor, and none his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them. For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more."
In that He says, “A new covenant,” He has made the first obsolete. Now what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away.
Hebrews 8:6-13 (Jeremiah 31:31 - 34)
Peace
KP
Who-me, you’re drawing a distinction Scripture doesn’t actually make.
Yes, Jesus and Stephen prayed for the Father to forgive. But that wasn’t distancing themselves from the act of forgiveness. That was their act of forgiveness. That was them placing justice in God’s hands, not their own. That was them releasing the debt even while the offense was still happening.
Jesus didn’t say “I forgive you.” He said “Father, forgive them.” But remember what He taught us to pray. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” That prayer acknowledges that we forgive by entrusting judgment to the only righteous Judge. And in that moment, that is exactly what Jesus and Stephen did. They forgave, not by minimizing the sin, but by refusing to hold the debt themselves.
Forgiveness in Scripture is not always packaged with the words “I forgive you.” Sometimes it’s nailed to a cross. Sometimes it’s spoken through prayer. Always it flows from the heart of mercy.
So no, they weren’t withholding forgiveness. They were demonstrating it in the clearest way possible — by asking the Father to show the same mercy to their killers that He showed to them.
That’s not hesitation. That’s holy.
Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.
This is one of the most gut-wrenching and theologically weighty struggles a disciple of Christ can name, and you are wise to drag it into the light of Scripture, where the cross of Christ confronts and heals our bitterness
Matthew 6:14–15 (Sermon on the Mount) — “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This is the context of the Lord’s Prayer (6:9–13), where Jesus explicitly teaches his disciples to pray: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (v.12). The point here is not that forgiving earns forgiveness, but that unforgiveness betrays a heart that has not truly received mercy. God does not forgive a hardened, bitter heart still clutching debts against others. You are right to feel the weight of this text. It is not conditioned on whether the other party is repentant; it is about your heart’s posture before God who forgave you while you were yet a sinner (Rom 5:8).
Matthew 18:21–35 (Parable of the Unforgiving Servant) — When Peter asks, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (v.21), Jesus responds with an astronomical number: “not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (v.22). Then he tells a parable where a servant forgiven an unpayable debt refuses to forgive a fellow servant a small debt, and is handed over to torment for his mercilessness. The principle in context is clear: no one can claim to have received God’s infinite mercy and yet choke his brother over a finite offense. Repentance of the offender is not mentioned as a precondition for releasing them in your heart. The parable exposes how unforgiveness chains the unforgiving more than it chains the offender.
Romans 12:17–21 (Christian conduct in view of God’s justice) — Paul commands: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil… do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (vv.17–19). The immediate context in Romans 12 is how believers should live as living sacrifices (v.1), overcoming evil with good (v.21), even when the evil done to you seems to go unacknowledged. The command to forgive and release vengeance is not because sin is trivial, but because vengeance belongs to God alone. Forgiveness does not deny justice, it entrusts justice to the cross and the final judgment.
Luke 23:34 (The cross as the ultimate model of undeserved forgiveness) — As he was being crucified by unrepentant men, Jesus cried out: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” In its immediate context, these are Roman soldiers and mocking rulers, not remorseful supplicants. Yet Jesus intercedes for them. His forgiveness in the moment of injustice does not cancel the need for their repentance (Acts 2:38), but it shows that the forgiver need not wait for the offender’s repentance before releasing the debt.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (Forgive as God forgave you) — Paul exhorts: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” The context here is the new life of the believer (4:17–24), putting off the old self. God’s forgiveness of you in Christ did not wait for your apology; it was initiated at the cross. That same mercy is the pattern and power for our forgiveness.
Colossians 3:12–13 (The community of the forgiven forgives) — Paul writes: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This is set in the context of putting to death the old self and letting the peace of Christ rule (v.15). Forgiveness is the garment of the elect, not a reward for someone else’s contrition.
In sum:
Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is not easy, but it is Christlike. It does not mean pretending there was no wrong, nor does it deny God’s justice. It means you release the debt from your hands and place it in God’s. You stop playing judge, jury, and executioner. You mirror the gospel you yourself live by: God forgave you, not because you were worthy or because you apologized perfectly, but because his Son bore the penalty on your behalf. You trust that justice will ultimately either be satisfied at the cross or at the judgment seat, and you obey the command to live free from bitterness.
So pray Father, forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me (Matt 6:12), and fix your eyes on Christ, who endured the cross for enemies yet unreconciled (Rom 5:8–10). The cross did not wait for repentance to offer forgiveness, and neither should we.
By his Spirit, this is not only possible but essential.
J.
Forgiveness is for yourself. Not the person you are forgiving. Forgiving someone helps YOU move on. Not them.
You realise that what you are saying is that God forgives everyone without requiring repentance and that is the heresy of universalism.
Luke17:3 Jesus taught about forgiving if they repent.
Yes they showed they were willing for there to be forgiveness, yet they passed the act of forgiveness over to God.
In so doing they were not forgiving, they couldn’t as there was no repentance.
@Who-me, let’s walk this out carefully and biblically.
First… no one here is arguing for universalism. That’s a total misunderstanding of what’s being said. Salvation requires repentance and faith in Christ. That’s foundational. God does not apply the benefits of Christ’s atonement to those who persist in rebellion. No repentance, no salvation. Period.
But that’s not the same category as personal forgiveness. The command to forgive others is not about granting eternal absolution … it’s about reflecting the mercy of God in how we treat those who wrong us, especially when they don’t deserve it. That’s not universalism. That’s obedience.
You keep circling Luke 17:3 … and yes, it says if your brother repents, forgive him. That’s about reconciliation, restoring relationship when someone comes with a repentant heart. It’s not a full-stop prohibition against forgiving otherwise. Jesus is answering the question of what to do when they repent. He’s not saying you can’t forgive unless they do.
If we let one verse cancel everything else Jesus taught about forgiveness, we miss the whole arc of Scripture. Matthew 6 doesn’t say, “Forgive others if they repent.” It says, “If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” No qualifiers. No loopholes.
As for Jesus and Stephen … if you say they didn’t forgive, you are asking us to believe that the Son of God, hanging on the cross, interceding for His enemies, was modeling incomplete forgiveness. That’s not just a strained reading. That’s spiritual gymnastics. Forgiveness doesn’t always have to be a verbal declaration. Sometimes it’s a prayer. Sometimes it’s a release. Always, it’s a reflection of God’s heart.
Forgiveness does not mean declaring someone justified before God. Only God can do that. What it does mean is refusing to hold the debt yourself, refusing to let bitterness take root, and trusting that vengeance belongs to the Lord.
You can be willing to forgive and still forgive, even if the relationship is never renewed. That’s not weakness. That’s Christlikeness. The cross is the proof.
Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.
I’m glad I found this topic, as I have been struggling with forgiveness of my brother’s ex-wife, who I believe murdered my brother. During a conversation with me years before, she asked me “Why are you helping me? I’m evil”, she was living at my house during a transition in her life. I’ve never heard anyone identify themselves as evil, and I believe she is a truly diabolical person. I don’t believe she will ever repent, so I know forgiveness isn’t about her repenting her sins, forgiveness is for me. All I’ve been able to do re: prayer is to say that I forgive her because I want to be obedient to God, but I don’t have the feelings of actually wanting to forgive her.
@mrsbunder What you’ve shared is incredibly heavy, and it’s clear you’re wrestling honestly before God, which is exactly where healing begins.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean denying what happened or pretending it doesn’t hurt. It means entrusting justice to God and refusing to let bitterness take root in your soul.
Jesus said, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44)…not because it’s easy, but because it sets us free.
The feelings may not come quickly, or at all, but your choice to obey, even without those feelings, is a powerful act of faith.
Keep bringing it to the Lord. He sees your heart, and He will honor your obedience. 
JennyLynne, thank you for your comforting and helpful advice. When I pray, I say to God that I can say the words “I forgive you” but feel hypocritical to even say the words in my prayer when I don’t feel genuine. I can take comfort in praying “In obedience to you Lord, I forgive her”, even though the feelings aren’t there, and I don’t think they ever will be, but as you said, God sees my heart and will honor my obedience. Thank you 
You forgive, their being sorry is a different story.
The forgiveness to restore a relationship requires the one who did wrong to ask for forgiveness. This seldom happens. The word “forgiveness” is also used for what might be called unilateral or one-sided forgiveness. This is simply the injured party letting go of that which would harm them if held on to.
Forgiveness is more about the state of your own heart than the state of those who sinned against you.
Pharoah, who was hard hearted and full of pride, refused to let God’s people go. God had to break Pharoah’s heart in order to move Pharoah to set God’s people free.
This is an apt metaphore for the need to forgive others and to let them go after they have wronged us. It illustrates the state of one’s heart when it is locked in unforgiveness. And sometimes, like with Pharoah, God must break our hearts too in order to help us to set others free. To help us let them go. And to let go of what they did.
A broken, contrite heart cries tears and wails in agony. It feels the pain that seperates us from God, community, family, and LOVE itself. It feels and knows intimately the consequence of sin and of a world without God’s LOVE. And of those who do not know it, even when they claim to. And we release that pain, that sin, on the cross.
That same pain, when not dealt with, stagnates within us. And it blocks us. It Seperates us. It keeps us walled in while keeping others walled out. Your growth, your vitality, your ability are all stunted and you are dead, stuck, inactive to the world around you like a statue of a woman turned into salt after turning back to gaze upon sin, and the consequence of sin, forever gluing her eyes to the past. This is true death where there can be no life. No movement. No joy. For Ever. Until you let it go.
And like her, You cannot move forward again until you release the sin- that which seperates us from LIFE. Both your sins and the sins of others. They must no longer have power over you to hold your attention, to govern your interaction with the world. This is the only way to be truly free.
Praise be to our Savior, Jesus Christ, who not only showed us the Way but became it. Praise be to our Heavenly Father Who makes a Way where there is no Way and Who never abandons His children or His Creation.
You must understand, the Law of LOVE is about relationship. Relationship with God, with others, and with ourself. And sin can only occur in relationship when their is no LOVE to be our compass. LOVE motivates us to do right by God, by others, and our self.
When you see that other person, that other life, as an extension of you, an extension of your own life,
When you value them as if their life were your own life, and hold that life in Grace as God once held you before you claimed the victory through Christ,
And when you LOVE that other person, made by God as you were, and LOVE them as God LOVES you, THEN you wont steal from them, kill them, seek to destroy them for selfish gain and evil desire.
THEN You wont verbally tear them apart behind their back. You wont hold them with contempt for being just as lost as you once were or still are. That is how LOVE can change your life.
But understand, humans often get confused. They think they know what LOVE is. They think it is attraction, lust, desire. This is not LOVE. They think it is contractual or worse- transactional, a give in order to get philosophy. This is not love either. They think love is strength, a strong will, or power over others. Or submission to authority. This is not love at all.
LOVE has nothing to do with the other person. But it has everything to do with how we treat them. No matter their sin or flaw or what they will give us or do for us. LOVE values LIFE, and pursues it’s highest good even sacrificing of itself in order to achieve it. It creates life, maintains life, holds life together. It seeks to soothe pain, and suffering, because LOVE intimately knows that pain as its own.
Until you have a LOVE that makes you weep at the sight of a stranger who is suffering, Until you have a LOVE that moves you to help that person or even to save them, then you have no real LOVE at all. You have nothing. You are bankrupt and lost along with the world you live in. Dead inside, like decaying bones in a plastic perfect tomb.
The LOVE of Christ convicted sinners when they stood in His presense without Him ever having to accuse them or condemn them. They WANTED to change. Because they WANTED more of THAT LOVE. They WANTED to be with Jesus. Does the love of anyone here do this? Does it inspire change?
People may think Evangelizing means going into the world to condemn it of its sins. To call for people to repent. This was how John the Baptist did it, the last great Evangelist of the old world. But Christ, who was sinless, took sin upon Himself to save a world that could not LOVE Him back. A world that has no capacity to LOVE. Does anyone here Evangelize like that? Baring the weight instead of pointing the finger?
LOVE and only LOVE can save you like that. And this is why you forgive. Because after everything Christ has done, it is the very least any of us can do to help save the world, one person at a time. And also, because Christ forgave you. Because He LOVES you. So pass it on. Pass the LOVE forward.
And remember, You may be the closest thing to Christ in that other person’s line of sight. So if you are going to LOVE, do it right. Let His Holy Spirit move through you. Be the light.
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I’ve always thought that too. Forgiveness releases you. Not them.
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That’s what I thought too. But we must forgive to enter heaven as I understand it.
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Good Question…
And I have a question
Do you have to forgive someone who is not sorry?
Do you have to forgive someone that doesn’t repent?
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I totally agree with this, it’s more for our peace of mind to let things go, to carry around less of a burden on our hearts.
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