We can NOT forgive someone who isn’t sorry. Forgiveness must be received, as a gift is received. Forgiveness is Grace. Grace is received as a gift (unmerrited favor - not earned -free). Jesus says it this way. “…without repentance, one cannot be saved. Repentance is holding oneself accountable for having lived their life in offense to God and stands before God in Sorrow and asking, and thereby receiving the forgivenss that was already imparted, on the cross, to all mankind. It’s there for the “ASKING”.
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Luke 6 27-36, says alot about forgiving, and showing mercy even to our enemies, forgiveness should be given without cost, as Jesus forgave us and knew millions, if not billions would never accept Him or his mercy. He even forgave those who crucified Him and they definitely were not sorry.
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Is that biblical? I don’t think Jesus withheld forgiveness. I’m open to correcting. What’s turn the other check then.
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However, why are we here? If we are here to help one another and that is the goal, then forgiveness not only helps you grow but the person who obviously needs it and doesn’t know it.
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Miss you brother…
Forgiveness in Scripture has both an internal (heart) dimension and an external (relational) dimension, and they are not identical.
- What you are commanded to do (even if they’re not sorry)
Release personal vengeance; entrust justice to God.
Romans 12:19 (ESV)
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God…”
You are called to:
Put away bitterness and malice
Refuse retaliation
Pray for their good
Mark 11:25 (ESV)
“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone…”
This is dispositional forgiveness, a settled posture of the heart that says:
“I will not hold this against you before God, and I will not seek your harm.”
It does not require their apology.
- What is not automatic (if they’re not repentant)
Full relational reconciliation is conditional.
Luke 17:3 (ESV)
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.”
Here forgiveness is transactional/restorative, it restores the relationship. That requires:
Acknowledgment of sin
Repentance
(Where possible) restitution
Without that, you can forgive in your heart, but you are not obligated to pretend trust or closeness exists.
- Hold both truths together
Unconditional (heart): you must forgive. release, pray, do good.
Conditional (relationship): reconciliation and restored trust require repentance.
This keeps you from two errors:
Bitterness/vengeance (refusing to forgive internally)
Naivety/enabling (restoring trust without repentance)
4) What this looks like in practice
You name the wrong honestly (not minimizing it)
You give up the right to revenge
You entrust justice to God
You set wise boundaries if needed
You remain ready to reconcile if they repent
5) The model
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
God’s forgiveness toward us includes:
A merciful disposition toward sinners
A real application of pardon where there is repentance and faith
Bottom line
You forgive an unrepentant person by releasing the debt before God and refusing vengeance, while withholding restored relationship and trust until there is repentance.
J.
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Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22).
In these two verses of Matthew we observe the number seven. It’s actually mentioned four times: seven, seven, seventy[10x7]-seven. The repetition reveals its confirmed importance (Deut. 19:15; cf. Num. 35:30; Matt. 18:16; John 8:17; 2 Cor 13:1; Heb. 10:28). And both the numbers seven and ten may symbolize completion or perfection. Thus we are to forgive perfectly and completely in all circumstances.
But what does this mean? And how can we do this?
To forgive is to grant pardon for something. It means to remit a debt, a debt that we perceive is owed to us. We do it when we feel we are unjustly treated. Forgiveness includes ceasing to blame and hold resentment against another. Forgiveness should be done with every ounce of our being (spirit, soul, body, mind, will, emotions, present and future actions, etc.).
Obviously, forgiveness is not easy. It goes against what we think we are due and what the offender may actually deserve at times. Most of us are more lex talionis oriented, that is, have an immediate “eye for an eye” response but without any law. Our minds go where they shouldn’t — immediate or long term pay back! We’ve all been there.
We can find essentially the following three types of forgiveness categories in the Bible. I label them (1) Repentant: when an individual repents and we forgive and reconcile; (2) Unrepentant: when an offending party does not repent, yet forgiveness is given, but reconciliation is withheld until they repent; and (3) One-Sided: when forgiveness is unilaterally settled and any right for justice is mercifully waived.
Repentant
This first type of forgiveness that I entitle “repentant” is a situation where the offending party is repentant with fault(s) admitted and behavior changed. In such cases we are to fully and openly forgive and reconcile. It’s finished, as if it never happened. While we will not necessarily forget the offense, we should forsake the issue as if it had never occurred.
Leviticus 19:17: You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
Matthew 18:15: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Luke 17:3: Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
1 John 2:9: Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness (cf. 1 John 2:11; 3:10 [Matt. 5:21-22]; 1 John 4:10).
Unrepentant
The second type of forgiveness, “unrepentant,” involves the lack of repentance of an offending party. We are to forgive them, but unless and until they have demonstrable repentance, we are not to reconcile with them. Yes, it is possible to genuinely forgive someone and still hold the offending party lovingly (cf. Gal. 6:1-5) and otherwise biblically accountable. The situation is turned over to God and he will ultimately settle the matter.
Matthew 18:16: But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
Matthew 18:17: If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
2 Thessalonians 3:6: Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us (cf. 2 Thess. 3:14-15).
Matthew 18:18-20 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
One-Sided
The third type of forgiveness is “one-sided” and regards dropping a matter as an act of undeserved mercy. Both Jesus and Stephen exhibited this type of forgiveness when they were dying.
Luke 23:34: And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
Acts 7:60: And falling to his [Stephen’s] knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep [died].
Every one of us has the “eye for an eye” tendency. We will at some time be hurt by someone else either by word or by deed. Everyone at some time in their life will be the victim of some kind of unjust action, word, or circumstance. It may mean undue tears, grief, suffering, and even extreme torment in some cases. It hurts. It’s very painful at times. It can’t be undone. It won’t be forgotten.
Embrace the gift of forgiveness.
J.
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Thank you for detailing all forgiveness and so on. I really needed this today and everyday as I struggle with the lies of my daughter who betrayed me. The loyalty and devotion I wasted. I need to master forgiveness as it’s become a barrier to going home.
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Stay strong in Messiah @Fallen.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy to carry and my burden is light.”
Johann.
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Thank you kindly much appreciated.
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