This is a long story but I will try to cut it short. I was teaching at a Christian School (or so I thought). My wife was a teacher’s aid at the elementary school and invited my adult son to help mentor the children (kindergarten class). My son loves working with children that age but he is single and male and that is a red flag to these millennial parents and a couple of them complained to the school administration. The school administration said there were some red flags concerning my son although there were no allegations of inappropriate behavior. They wanted to have a meeting with my son but my son did not answer right away because he needed time to think about what to say and so they decided to fire my son from this volunteer position. And then to make matters worse, these parents called the church that is not affiliated with the school but is where my son was helping with teaching Sunday school lessons and complained. Again there were no allegations but a lot of gossip. The church decided to put a hold on my son working with the children. My son was very discouraged and depressed and so in desperation he text some of the parents to find out who was making the complaints because he wanted to explain himself. That freaked the parents out and he also sent emails to both the school and the church saying that they were unbiblical. This made matters worse and the church decided not to have him back and the school reported him for harassment. I resigned my position early at the high school and my wife also resigned. I made it clear that I felt they treated this situation wrong and unbiblical. And now I have lost faith in any Christian organization and have no interest in ever attending another church or para church organization again. I feel so lost…
Hi, I am a 56yo unmarried male and would love to have married, and still want to marry and have children (if God wills it to me at this late stage). All things are possible.
Recently, I prayed for a wife and the Lord gifted me a wonderful puppy (maybe I should’ve prayed for a pup!) 
I have not spent a lot of time in churches since giving my heart to God in 96’ Having been maligned, falsely accused, and slandered beyond recognition - on top of suffering from past alcohol affliction. Sadly, I cannot be of assistance. I can only empathise with yourself, and your son (although I don’t work in schools nor volunteer in them).
If you do find a safe style of church (ie. one where condemnation is not practiced, nor manipulation, gaslighting, finger-pointing, false accusation and slander), I would love to hear the positive outcome of your situation when it changes.
Sadly, I’m not welcome in my own home here in Australia. It is mostly a secular country and I must be some kind of target for hatred, however there’s always hope.
I’ll pray for you and your son, and may God bless you much.
God knows your heart, and I pray he will give you an answer - in Jesus name.
This is sad and heartbreaking to read. We today live in a world dominated by the world of technology. Decades ago, if someone had a problem with a person, there was face to face talk. Oftentimes, when there was daily contact, one could read the others mind through facial expressions or whatever. And ask ‘is there something wrong’? No more. People at a distance do nothing more than form and text an opinion, often times due to a misreading of an action or trait. And you can bet that the text goes to many other people in the form of gossip. And the ‘victim’ is the last rather than the first contacted. Tragic and sinful.
Regarding church and this is for the both of you. The church is the Bride of Christ. And it is made up of people, ordinary, sin regretting people. Imperfect people. Many churches today are large, have bands and contemporary Christian music, maybe even a coffee bar. You may or may not hear the pure Word of God there; then again maybe you will. Some preach a feel good message. Are all inclusive. Some are strictly Bible centric and mince no words regarding sin and salvation. Some are too large to allow you to get to know everyone. Look for a Christ centered church that celebrates the Lords Supper at each service and eschews all the musical instruments and light shows during worship. I suggest the Church of Christ. Most are small and you feel like family. But there are other Christian, non-denominational churches that are likewise warm and welcoming. Some large, some small. Some with instrumental music, some acapela. All celebrate the Lords Supper weekly, baptism by immersion.
In the meantime, read your Bible! Which version? The one you are comfortable with. For me, it is the NKJV followed by the KJV. Give the Lord a few minutes first thing in the morning and just talk. Give your problems and concerns to Him; and be sure to say thanks for all that is going well with you. During the day, when driving find a Christian radio station to listen to. In the evening, or other free time, maybe a broadcast off youtube such as International Christian Hour (not really an hour). Neither of you need to be alone. Embrace Jesus and He will give you the hug of your life.
And just for fun, and this by no means replaces your Bible, visit The Chosen at this site rather than watching trash: All free. start with season one and enjoy!The Chosen - Watch All Episodes Free
Thank you so much for your response. The Chosen is great. My family loves the Chosen. My son is seeking counseling over all of this and he is heartbroken. In churches today, gossip is allowed and encouraged. The accused are found guilty. Guilty until proven innocent and even then you are still guilty. The church is a mega church but it has solid preaching. They also stayed open during Covid. I also enjoy the NKJV. Thank you for your response. It will take me awhile for me to trust in another church. God bless
Your post made my day😊. The maligned and falsely accused comment seems typical of churches these days. Gossip is rewarded and the accused are punished. I laughed when you said that you prayed for a wife and got a puppy instead. The US is not far off from where Australia and Canada are in terms of their hatred of Christianity. The fascism that took place in Australia during Covid was scary. Thank you for your post. It was more encouraging than you think. God bless.
Paul,
I am glad I was able to help in some small way. I mentioned reading the Bible. I am not pushing it but I just ordered a new bible, the Evangelical Study Bible, NKJV from church source. Sort of pricey and I have no idea how it will differ from what I currently have and use. If you are interested I can send the link and a discount code that expires soon. The translation may not even be comfortable for you. Youtube has many bible review videos regarding text (once you get past the stuff about bindings and covers and ribbons and such). I had to use that source since my town has no book stores of any kind and I don’t trust amazon.
A little about me: I am 72 and raised Catholic. In 1974 I got married and migrated to the Episcopal church. A wonderful experience and it was a great place. Very loving people and the pastor was just downright friendly. Times change and being in the military we moved a lot. Settling in at my las duty station, we joined the local Episcopal Church. One day, my sone rebelled regarding going to church: same repetition every Sunday. Well, if I had been stronger, my wife and I would have stayed. We did not.
The son grew up, married and he and his wife found a non-denominational church in another city. We would attend that church when we visited. I. admit I went in with negative feelings. And I did not like it! No Lords Supper, loud modern music, etc.
Over the years, I was haunted by the thought that I could draw my last breath at any time and where would I spend eternity. Christian radio helped a lot; some music, some sermons. Then I started getting sort of fanatical over bibles and translations (not a good thing)! I subscribed to Christian news sites, started researching the history of the Church and such. Easter 2022 found my wife and I in a small Church of Christ for the first time. When the preacher asks if anyone desired baptism, out of nowhere I got nudged and spoke up. That afternoon, I was baptized by immersion (as opposed by my infant sprinkling). What a transformation! I now help with serving the Lords Supper a couple times per month. Our congregation numbers about 40 families. We sing hymns without any instruments and are Bible based. Very enjoyable.
I mentioned watching The Chosen. It is enjoyable. Not the same as reading the Bible or belonging to a church. But it is a nice show. For all I know, that show may have helped bring me back to church. I don’t know. The Holy Spirit moves in mysterious and wondrous ways!!
You might look up Wilkins Radio and see if they have a station in your town. I think you will like it if there is one.
Take care and may God bless you richly!
David
Hi Paul, thanks for your reply, I forgot to address you by name as I’m a slow learner when it comes to writing 
and I often forget to edit 
I wondered how yourself and each one in your family must have felt having experienced this situation. It made me consider how much the difficulty must sting when one’s own dearest son is shamed by the power of evil. Jesus ‘never’ ostracises people, he is inclusive, not exclusive. Unwarranted fears and guilt trips freeze people out of folds, especially when a person is gifted, and strong in Christ.
Out of responsibility to God, I must confess abstinence from Church is not the optimal solution - if one is blessed enough to find a healthy Church to thrive in.
His will is for us to have fellowship and I find that only happens by chance when walking my dog, etc. She is a God dog 
, but I think there must be a Godly church somewhere, as well.
Your recent experiences will be a breakthrough for each one of you in your family. It will make you incredibly the more dependent upon Him.
I believe your’s and your family’s response/s will bring an answer distinctively destined from Him. I’d love to hear what happens, at some stage.
Best regards, Andrew
Thank you so much for your post again. I was also raised Catholic and I am about to turn 62 years old. I am very familiar with Catholic theology and I also have studied church history which has been a hobby of mine. Because of recent events I have been forced to retire. Between my pension from being a school teacher and social security we can make it.
It keeps getting worse. The school actually had the police come to our door and give a warning to my son. I never thought “Christians” could be this evil. I am in so much pain right now. And the church believes everything the school tells them. They are getting away with this evil.
Please do not give up on the Church, the Bride of Christ. Place your faith and trust in Jesus and find a good Christian Church. May God bless you and see you and your family through this difficult time.
Hello Paul,
I’m SO Sorry to hear the terrible story of what happened to you and your family; unfortunately we still live in a sinful society and many things just don’t go right, even in “so-called Christian” groups. The Body of Christ is supposed to be solid on following the teachings of Jesus Christ and being transformed from being worldly to being like Jesus; HOWEVER, just like what the book of Revelation tells us: Jesus tells some Churches that they need to REPENT and turn from their ways as well.
Any church that acts the same as the world: just shows that the people in the church are no different than people in the world =>> therefore they are only “so-called Christians”. Kinda like Pharisees in the Bible, who thought they followed the law AND were “righteous” BUT Jesus rebukes them of being “hypocrites” AND “white-washed tombs” (dead inside)!
That being said, we have all had different levels of hurts and pains growing in the society or interacting in churches; BUT because “Followers of Christ” (i.e. Christians) are taught by Jesus to FOLLOW AFTER Christ individually, we do NOT follow any particular church unless the church is being very helpful towards leading us towards following Jesus.
Therefore, each of us are responsible for following after Christ Jesus ourselves, regardless of how other people treat us or teach/preach.
I was not born in the US, but Praise God that I’ve met a few VERY GOOD & REAL Christians friends who helped me learn from Jesus and study His word after I arrived in the southern US about 20 years ago. Slowly but surely, I learned to LOVE HIS WORD and hunger and thirst after Him; THEN I progressed from “following after the laws or rules” (or outward things) to following after the “heart of God” and the life of Jesus Christ – it took me about 10 years or more to BE truly “transformed” from the inside towards outside! (Remember the Hillsong’s “From the Inside Out”? Kinda like that :))
So that I may NOT be a “hypocrite” just doing things for “show” anymore, Nor doing things for my own rewards, even though God will reward secretly & in eternity. NOW I can finally say that I seek after the LOVE of my LORD JESUS, and FOR HIS LOVE, I will do anything that pleases HIM, and will turn away from anything (not people) that displeases him.
And eventually He gives me the mercy and grace to be able to forgive other people enough that I can also love them, just like how Jesus loves me, despite of what they did to Him and what they may do to me.
Hope this helps you – I will pray for you and your family!
By the way, I’d pray for you to find a Bible-teaching based Pentecostal or Baptist church, which does NOT doubt the validity of Bible at all, but learn from it.
LOVE in Christ Jesus our Lord. His Mercy and Grace be abundantly with you and yours!
ANN
Thank you for your encouragement, God bless.
I was so saddened to read your story about how the school & the church could not make more biblical and life-giving decisions. I understand that there is a lot of pressure on people today from every direction. There is a powerful “spirit of anger” that seems to be particularly strong in America. I do not know if it is all from the Covid issues or the sex scandals in our schools and churches. Many people are still furious about the political scene. Most people in this country seem to have a “gripe” in their spirit. Therefore, the more the wheel is squeaky, the more people react out of the potential onslaught against them rather than following the scriptures, such as Matthew 18. By doing so, they have now totally discouraged you, not wanting to participate in the church in any way. Your son, who may be exceptionally gifted to work with Children, is not only removed but charged with harassment because he did exactly what these parents did and stood up for himself. I will not say that parents do not have the right to express their concerns about their children’s school. Still, if there has not been even a hint of any misconduct, removing someone who has not done anything improper is very inappropriate. What will these parents be allowed to change next? If they do not like their student’s Math or English teacher, they can remove them just because their child got a bad mark or had a bad day. In my opinion, that is giving away too much power to people who have not found themselves content in their situation and therefore feel the need to make another person’s life miserable. They keep trying to change circumstances rather than find ways to find contentment and learn how to get along well with others.
I pray that you will reconsider your decision not to want to go back to church. Listen, it is just this simple. It does not matter where we go in this life; there will be challenging people: the church, the Christian school. Every school, church, bar, job, or where ever we encounter people. There are always going to be a few people stirring up something. It is part of our sinful nature. Please don’t let that stop you from practicing your faith in some way. Yes, the church is not the only place to do that. However, in the book of Hebrews, we are encouraged not to “neglect meeting together but do it all the more, as we see The Day approaching.” There are no perfect churches or anything else because human beings are involved. Except for the grace of God, we could all be on either side of this storyline. In this life or in the life to come, Jesus will make all things right in His time. Take it from a person that has been a pastor for 46 years. Some of the most wonderful people would lay their life down for others. There are also some “right fighters” out there in the church that seem to always be around the conflicts no matter the issue. Some of those folks feel they have to be correct even when they are as wrong as possible. Praying for you.
Well said “pastorron”! A lot of us (including myself) are trying to “change our environment or circumstances” rather than letting God change ourselves and transform our bitterness and resentment into joy and peace without depending on our environment!
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TRANSFORMATION Like changing from a crawling “worm” into a wonderful “butterfly” is TOTALLY painful and seems to ourselves “unnatural” (if we put ourselves in the situation). BUT how wonderful are the results IF WE are WILLING TO LET God do the transformation work!
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Our job: is to Learn, Try to Understand the mind of God, Wisdom of God (IS HIGHER than ours), and be Willing to follow God and His Will, even if we cannot understand! (Romans 12: 1-2)
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See King David’s Psalm 37 - “Do Not Fret” (or saying “Do Not hold a grudge in your heart”) … BECAUSE God is the one who WILL REVENGE FOR US in the end!
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Trust Him, Put our care, our worries, our sorrows and bitterness / resentment UPON HIM, Our Lord! AND Follow HIS steps, so that we will Not fall into a miserable end ourselves.
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(Considering: we are imperfect and we sin in many ways like other people. JESUS said: "If you don’t forgive others, neither will your Father forgive you"-(Matthew 6: 14-15, Mark 11:25, Matthew 18:22, Romans 12:19, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 4: 11-13, Colossians 3:13)
[1 John 2:3-6; 3:14; 1 John 4:20] Forgiveness is a key to showing we indeed have eternal life inside us, according to His Word. (1 John 3:14). It is probably the hardest lesson we have to learn in this world, but OUR REWARDs Are GREAT if we Did Learn to Forgive! (Luke 6:37, Luke 7:47 , Romans 8:18, Proverbs 28:13)
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Dr. S. I. McMillan, in his book None of These Diseases, says this:
“The moment I start hating a man, I become his slave. He even controls my thoughts. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me steak, it might as well be stale bread and water. The man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it” -
you see, forgiveness is like a toxin, and an unforgiving heart always leads to a tormented spirit. Ephesians 4:27) - do not give the devil a foothold in your heart & Life. Ephesians 4:26: “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
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“In this world in which people do hurt each other – sometimes hurt us a lot – when you begin to forgive, you set a prisoner free, and then you discover that the prisoner you set free was - you” -Lewis Smedes.
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you can even use the prayer that Corrie Ten Boom used: “Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness”
(ask for the supernatural power to forgive, and that you may experience the rewards of forgiveness) - Amen.
God bless you all!
Thank you for your encouraging words. I am still very much hurting from what the school and church did. This is not the first time we have been severely hurt by church leaders. Years ago my wife worked for a church for 14 years as the children’s church coordinator. She was falsely accused of bullying others to help out in church ministry. Again Matthew 18 was not followed, the pastor took the words of the accusers as Gospel and fired my wife. Now years later that pastor actually repented and asked my wife’s forgiveness. But the damage had been done. After that incident, we immediately found another church. And now the church went after my son, and now I feel unmotivated to step foot inside another church. I have always struggled with depression, but this made it worse. What is wrong with the church? The church is supposed to be a place of healing and forgiveness. Again thank you for your encouragement. God bless.
Thank you. This was a really powerful statement that you made, “ A lot of us (including myself ) are trying to “change our environment or circumstances” rather than letting God change ourselves and transform our bitterness and resentment into joy and peace without depending on our environment!”
That has been my life story. I have been trying to do it all instead of allowing God to change me and to convert my bitterness to forgiveness. Thank you again for your encouragement.
Good morning Paul! So Happy For you to Make a Step forward (and out) from all that past of hurt and bitterness! (Even if a small step - it’s worth a lot of celebrations!! Rejoice!!! (I’m doing a little dance for you :)) )
Every day is a brand NEW day for every one of us to repent of our own sins / mistakes / pride…AND to forgive others AS OUR Heavenly Father forgives us - because none of us are PERFECT Yet. (If I still need forgiveness from God, unless I’m too proud to admit that I need it, then I need to forgive others as well – I did have some past depression(s) as well, AND I hope you take the time to understand that some of our own depressions are MADE UP BY our insistence on holding on to the past, holding on to the grudges & pain, and WE Totally FORGOT the beautiful New days and blessings that God is trying to place in our laps!! Sometimes we are too imprisoned by that bitterness and unforgiveness to move forward, which are bad choices (prisons) that we made for ourselves to stay in! We have got to learn to make a different (Better) choice a little at a time!!! I promise you - YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!!!
I think LIFE IS LIKE A University -- God is always trying to help us learn one lesson at a time AND to pass a TEST before we can move on to another lesson; Good thing they are always OPEN BOOK Tests, and we get to enlist All the Help we can get; PLUS if we fail, we get to Re-Take another Test!! When we pass a Test & Learns right, we get to move on (not seeing the same test over & over again) LOL ! ---
DOES IT Ring a bell? It seemed to me that I fall into similar BAD situations over and over again UNTIL I LEARNED the right lesson (pass the test): “HOW to deal with it properly in God’s way”: How to Bring God’s Kingdom (come) to our lives, and How to Let His Will be done (as in the Lord’s Prayer). How many times I had to rely on Him to pass the Test & learned the right lesson(s)?!
– IS my life ALSO LIKE HOW THE People in the Old Testament fall into similar problems over and over again??(See the book of Judges)
I pray that I spend more time with God’s Word to receive that better Wisdom to Overcome! And I pray for you and your family too!
- I really like the prayer that Corrie Ten Boom used: “Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness”- (considering how much wrongs that Corrie suffered from people).
(ask for His supernatural power to forgive, and that you may experience the rewards of forgiveness) - Amen!
God bless you!!! -^ even Exceedingly abundantly above and beyond what you can ask or think (Ephesians 3) !!!
- Watch the Chosen by Angel Studio again: see how much Jesus was wronged & persecuted by the “Church” & religious people, and try to understand His heart to “Save them” & Forgive them “for they know Not what they do”.
- If we say we will “Follow Jesus”, we will have to act more like How He does things and How He Loves… (starting from “me” doing the right things first, regardless of how others do. Because I’m NOT responsible for other people’s salvation & rewards.)
------- Praying & Waiting for your Great Success on Overcoming this Big Test in your life! ------
“Put on the New man”( Ephesians 4:20-32) - do not give the devil a foothold in your heart & Life.
- “In this world in which people do hurt each other – sometimes hurt us a lot – when you begin to forgive, you set a prisoner free, and then you discover that the prisoner you set free was - you” -Lewis Smedes.
[ “If you don’t forgive others, neither will your Father forgive you”-(Matthew 6: 14-15, Mark 11:25 , Matthew 18:22, Romans 12:19, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 4: 11-13, Colossians 3:13)
[1 John 2:3-6; 3:14; 1 John 4:20] Forgiveness is a key to showing we indeed have eternal life inside us, according to His Word. (1 John 3:14). It is probably the hardest lesson we have to learn in this world, but OUR REWARDs Are GREAT if we Did Learn to Forgive! (Luke 6:37, Luke 7:47 , Romans 8:18, Proverbs 28:13)
Thank you so much for your response. It was so encouraging especially when you started off with a celebration of my little victories. I am going to read your response a few more times so that it can sink in. God bless and thank you.
Good evening,
I don’t know if this will help but I had to learn not to blame the church and remember those with are constantly proned to the flesh like everyone else. I pray you find resolution to your dispair and that you find it with God guiding you.
Just in January, I had a similiar situation. I was actually told I was rebeling against God by the pastor in an open rebuke in front of the entire congregation. But once I sat back and got out of own way, I realized that God was removing me from this organization with this very action. You see two years prior a member of this same organization did this in a tamer way. And I left for those two years without a word as to why. But in doing that I not only angry at the member but the Church (all) as well and stopped going to any place of worship.
Fast forward two years to April 2022, I had a conversation with the pastors and told them why I left. I was given all kinds of assurances that this is not the type of behavior they condone. Then January 2023, they do the same thing in a grandeur scale. I left this time knowing this is not where God wants me to be, and He used them to really drive home that I removed you before and you should have listened. But I was young in my Walk. Now, I let Him guide my footsteps and I am at a church I love. A nd the “rebel”(me) is an assistant teacher in Vacation Bible School.
So keep the faith my friend. He will do it in His time.
It is very true that sometimes it could be my own pride and fault but other times it could be other people’s pride and fault - which caused hurt or bitterness between people in a church; we don’t have to stay in the same church or in the same situation, (if after I read all these following (& similar) scriptures for a few days allowing myself to tune-in to what God is teaching me: Romans 12, Ephesians 4-6, Colossians 3, 1 Corin 12-14, Rom 14, 1 Peter and 2 Peter, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy 2-4, and Titus 2…)
… BUT WE do need to continue to FOLLOW JESUS very closely and try to find a church group or Bible-Study group to encourage each other in our daily walks with God. Because if we make ourselves a “lone ranger” in this dangerous & evil world, it becomes VERY EASY for Satan to target us without the help & protection of a group of brothers & sisters…
{I’m pretty sure it works in wars in this world just the SAME as in our spiritual wars - see Ephesian 6: 10-18 }.
I will continue to pray for you Paul and others who may need to find a new church or Bible-Study group.
“To Jesus: who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
(Eph 3: 14-21)
man will failed always keep your eyes upon Jesus