I am really struggling with forgiveness, my brother died under very suspicious circumstance in Feb. 2021, it’s my belief that his ex-wife drugged some food, so he would stop breathing, and he died. My nephew (14 at the time) participated with his mother to a degree, he waited 4 days before calling 911 to report the death. I think of the phrase “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”, however, what if they do know what they do? This was a pre-meditated situation where his ex-wife thought she’d get his home for herself. How do I forgive someone that identifies herself as an evil person and committed such a heinous crime?
First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for the pain and loss you’ve endured. What you’re facing is not just a wound, but a betrayal and trauma that cuts to the very soul. Forgiveness in such a situation does not mean excusing the evil or pretending it didn’t happen—it means refusing to let the weight of their sin keep you bound in bitterness and despair. Jesus did say, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), but even when people do know what they are doing, we are still called to forgive—not because they deserve it, but because we need freedom. Forgiveness is not approval; it is not trust; it is not reconciliation. It is a decision, often daily, to release the offender to God’s justice. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” God is righteous and sees every hidden thing. Your grief is real. Your anger is real. But forgiveness allows God to heal you and to deal with the offender as only He can. It is not a weakness—it is a strength birthed through tears and courage, and it takes the burden off your shoulders and places it into the hands of a just and holy God.
Thank you for your kind and wise words, my daily prayers have been very difficult around this subject, but I feel that I can be sincere in my prayer to make the decision to forgive so that I can release the offenders to God. This situation has shaken my faith to the core, and is even more despairing to me, because I chose to go through the appropriate channels vs. resorting to retaliation against them, such as police, meeting with DA’s office, only to be treated very dismissively, they have refused to investigate. I’ve learned through other law enforcement that bias comes into play when the death involves alcohol, which was a factor in this case. I know that God is righteous and he will be the one to repay, I pray every day for his guidance to get me through this. Thank you again for your comforting words.
I’m sorry you have such an aweful event in your family life.
How do you forgive? asicly you don’t.
The requirement to forgive is only there if there is repentance.
As there is no repentance one does not forgive but rather as you are already doing, hand the situation over to God for him to deal with it.