Same-Sex Weddings: How Should Christians Respond?

@Johann, maybe you are not seeing what I am seeing. Excessive line-breaks make the flow of thought nearly impossible for me to comprehend.

Nevermind, I’ll just do it for you,

Romans 1:27 appears to speak of homosexual relations as sinful. Is this actually the case? Would the Bible really condemn people for such acts, or is it speaking about something quite different from what we understand as homosexuality?

In our day speaking negatively of homosexuality is often declared to be evil. Several factors have led to this.

First, postmodern society believes that all personal options are equally good. Thus one should take pride in one’s ethnic background or religion or sexual preference. None is better than another and no one should judge another. This postmodern view may express a truth about our relative human judgments, but does it give God’s view? What if God really does exist and has a view by which he will judge the world in the end? Furthermore, there are limits to our tolerance of cultural diversity, for we are not very accepting of Nazi culture, for example.

Second, genital sexual expression is viewed as a right and even as a necessity for emotional health. This is a new view, which ignores the fact that many who cannot function sexually (such as impotent males) can and do live full and meaningful lives. Unlike food and water and shelter, sexual expression is not a need. Nor is it a right. Many people, whatever their sexual inclinations, are deprived of opportunities for full sexual expression (think of those heterosexuals who want to be married but cannot find an appropriate spouse) and, while it may not be a desirable situation for them, it is not that they are being wronged.

Third, homosexuality has found increasing acceptance in our society. However, acceptance does not make something right. Nor does the evidence that homosexuality may be inborn make it right. Some types of personality are apparently inborn, and we think of these varieties of personality types as equally good, but alcoholism, schizophrenia and a tendency to violence may also be linked to genes, and we look at these as genetic defects. We view them as bad and try to control their expression. Fourth, there have been attempts to label any rejection of homosexuality as “homophobic” and thus make a rejection of this lifestyle appear wrong. Such labeling begs the question. Is one “kleptophobic” if he or she calls theft wrong? It is not always an issue of fear (phobia) at all, but one of sober judgment about what is right and wrong based on a given standard.

For Christians the standard has been the Bible, so that is why looking at this passage is so critical. There are several passages in the New Testament that refer to homosexual genital sexuality: Romans 1:26–27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10 and Jude 7. These build on the Old Testament attitude toward homosexuality found in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13. What conclusions can we draw from these texts?

First, all of these passages condemn particular sexual acts. None of them speak of homosexual desires. In the Scriptures it is not homosexual temptation that is wrong, but the actual acts themselves. This is an important distinction, for it reminds us that the Scriptures honor people successfully struggling with temptation rather than condemning them for their temptations. The man who has never been tempted to commit adultery is not more virtuous than the man who has successfully resisted repeated significant temptations. The first man is only untested in that area.

Second, we recognize that while homosexual practice does not appear to have been common in Palestine, it was a significant feature of the Greek culture. It is not that Greeks were exclusively homosexual, for in fact the general practice was bisexuality, with wives being necessary for procreation, but the use of prostitutes and boys also being more or less accepted. It is also not true that all Greeks equally accepted homosexuality. One form of it, pederasty, was debated by Greek thinkers.

Third, we notice that the explicit rejection of homosexuality is found mostly in Paul’s letters, for he was the Christian writer most in contact with the Greek world. Romans was probably written from Corinth and 1 Corinthians was, of course, written to Corinth. It is sometimes argued, then, that Paul’s concern was only with pederasty, that he was entering one side of the discussion which was common in the Greek world. However, his language in this passage is not a description of pederasty. A case can be made for making 1 Corinthians 6:9 refer to that vice, but such a case is not totally convincing to scholars in this field. What it looks like is going on in 1 Corinthians 6:9 is that Paul, living in the Greek world, needing an example of vice to use in his letter, used the vice that he found close at hand, homosexual practice, which included, but was not limited to, pederasty. In other words, homosexual practice was not a major problem within the church. It was a problem in the Gentile world around the church. Why was this the case? Probably the reason is that the church taught fidelity to one’s wife. For example, look at the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 19.

F.F. Bruce on Hard Sayings of the Bible. [condensed]

Peace
KP

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How thoughtful of you @KPuff , much appreciated (smile)

J.

Fred (Bruce) would have wanted it this way. :grin:
KP

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From my PDF. @KPuff

J.

feel like we shouldnt as christians but whatever makes us happy ig

Do not participate in my opinion God grieves. As we all do, it is a soon in which God grieves. Let us pray that they will understand and see the truth in the days to come. In the Bible‘s truth see: Romans 1:26, Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, 1 Timothy 1:10.

God has his truth about the subject in these four verses minimum. And the truth is what that is free if we abide by it.

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Don’t go. Whether it’s boys or girls same sex wedding. Attending it is coming into agreement with it and approving it. That is technically making a covenant with God’s enemy.

Yeah, but it’s my family and I love them…

Oh yeah? More than the Lord?

Matthew 10:37

**37 **He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me…./KJV

This situation is what the Lord is talking about (as well as other situations). WHo will you listen to, your gay son who’s getting married? Or the Lord who says don’t do that?

It’s not being mean or not loving to turn down a request like this to family, it is applying what God’s Word has said to your life and living it. To speak the real truth to gay couples is the highest love, the truth. Turning down the invite doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

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tried to put in what the Lord said in Romans 1:18-32 but was told I could not because I was a new member.

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1Co 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

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my memory could be wrong, i was never an amy grant fan… but didnt she “go mainstream” in like the 90’s? why should any christian debate be “sparked” by the things she does 30 years later? but, anyway.

ive never been invited to one. ten years ago my in-laws were invited to one by their friends, for their son. they attended. i remember thinking, i didnt support it, but wasnt sure how id respond, as my convictions were, well, i wouldnt say shaky still, but definitely wasnt confident in speaking my opinions as a new christian, facing people who had good intentions yet doing things like these.

so, what about if i were invited to one these days? i know a couple who declined an invite to their friends’ gay wedding, and they knew theyd be disowned for it. sure enough they were. but they felt it was right to say no to that sin participation.

if i were invited to one, i think id have the confidence to quietly say now, “i really dont want to push you away, you mean a lot to me, but personally i feel this is a sinful decision, and though i wouldnt disassociate with you guys just as ever, i actually cannot show support for this particular decision, im sorry cause im sure this is hurtful to you, and im sorry because im afraid i will lose your friendship, but that would be an unintended and sorrowful side effect of what i feel is the right thing for me to do regardless. i hope you wont disown me for this, you have to do what feels right for you, i hope we can still be friends even though i wont go.”

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Excellent answer. We must remain true to the truth according to God and stand on His moral bases. If that causes some, gay or not, to leave us, then let them go. But then again, you may have planted a seed that God can cause to grow.
Peter

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My daughter is gay, came to s as an adult and told us. I told her I don’t understand it but we love her and always will. She grew up in the church, was baptized in the church. We would go to the wedding if she asked, I would walk her down the aisle if she asked. She knows what we believe and she is not asking us to go against our beliefs. We are not saying this is what God approves but we believe God wants us to love her as much as we do our other 5 children. Would it be approved by God, I doubt it. Will my daughter go to heaven, if I will after all my failures she will. Would God forgive me for my many failures, I believe so. Would God forgive me for my sins that I forgot or haven’t repented for? God knows our hearts, is a compassionate God. My daughter is not militant in your face but is happy with her partner now doing life. She isn’t encouraging others to be gay but just loves her partner. I doubt she would even do a “Christian” wedding but would ask God to bless them. We are not going to lose our relationship with her and also causing unhappiness in our family, Satan would love that.

Personally, I would not attend the wedding, because I don’t think that I should be seen condoning sinful actions, but I would make it clear to the people involved that I love them and that the Bible teaches that homosexual lifestyles are wrong. I would say to them that God’s Book keeps me from endorsing with my actions what God says is wrong @SCPhil. I would also tell them that I’m praying for them.

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Tough question. I’ve yet to find myself in a similar conundrum.

Although, I did refrain from attending the wedding of a cousin who had left his wife ( who i loved ) for someone else. Really out of respect and sympathy for the abandoned wife.

Hypothetically, if my niece ( whom I dearly love ) were to ask me to attend her marriage to another woman, I’d go.

Judgement does not negate love.

And I’d fail either way. I love imperfectly, and I judge imperfectly. And my Good Lord will forgive either.

In an effort to show my love, I’d rather err on the side of empathy, then on judgement.

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I hear you and thx but it is a tough decision. She knows our beliefs already and knows we are not sanctioning her lifestyle but we love her and always will.

@SCPhil, how recently have you expressed your beliefs about marriage, and have you given her the Bible’s verses that support your beliefs? Our children must know the reasons for our faith, not just that we believe it, I think.

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Brother @Bruce_Leiter

Many have been asking lately, “Should a Christian attend a gay wedding?” The biblical answer is extremely nuanced and highly complex: Never, no, not under any circumstances. In the eyes of God and according to His Word, any such pseudo-wedding is an abominable, blasphemous profaning of marriage and a pagan celebration of the sodomy that destroys lives, ruins society, makes a mockery of Christ, and merits eternal punishment (Gen 1–2; 19; Lev 18; Rom 1:18–32; 1 Cor 6:9–10; 1 Tim 1:10; Eph 5:22–33).

None can dodge this as merely some “American fundamentalist” issue. Last Sunday in our church in Johannesburg, I asked for a show of hands from those who have been invited to attend an LGBTQ-affirming wedding or event of some kind, and easily half of our congregation raised their hands—some 100+ people. As Carl Trueman said, “You may not be interested in the sexual revolution; but the sexual revolution is very interested in you.”

As our local association of churches, Sola5, declares in Core Value #5 on Marriage and Sexuality:

God created mankind male and female, and ordained marriage as a life-long union between a natural man and a natural woman (Gen 2:18–25). . . . We further affirm that marriage is by nature heterosexual (Gen 2:24), and that any expression of sexual intimacy is holy only in the covenant of marriage (Exod 20:14; Heb 13:4).

We deny the legitimacy and permissibility of homosexuality, lesbianism, fornication, adultery, pornography, paedophilia, bestiality, prostitution, incest and other forms of sexual perversion (Rom 1:24–27).

If we believe that statement is a biblical and unchanging truth from God, it cannot be diluted, softened, or weakened no matter how personal the matter becomes.

If my precious grandchild begs me to attend their gay so-called “wedding” twenty years from now and I am tempted to compromise and capitulate, I may need you to send me this article I wrote long ago! Rosaria Butterfield gave a similar warning that if you attend your child’s gay wedding now, but God later answers your prayers and saves them, you will have to repent to them of your previous hypocrisy.

How in the world did the Church become so weakened and cowardly that we’re tired of pursuing holiness and separation from the world (1 Pet 1:13), and we’ve stopped defending marriage and have surrendered the culture war to secularism?

Is marriage no longer worth fighting for, even though we’ve reaped untold benefits from it (Heb 13:4)? Have we grown so tired of being salt and light that we now succumb to the decay and darkness (Matt 5:13-16)? May it never be!

As Voddie Baucham once said: “There’s a difference between ‘eating with sinners‘ and solemnizing their sin in a ceremony that traditionally is characterised by phrases like: ‘We are gathered here today in the sight of God to witness. . . . If there is anyone here who can show just cause.’ That is not the same!”

In short, a Christian may attend any lawful wedding (according to God’s Law); but a Christian may not attend any unlawful, illicit, unrighteous, or false wedding.

Examples of unlawful weddings would be: a Christian marrying a non-Christian (1 Cor 7:39); an unbiblically divorced person remarrying, which Jesus said is adultery (Matt 5:32; 19:9); a polygamous wedding; any homosexual pretend wedding, “gay mirage.”

It is however, not wrong for a Christian to attend a wedding of two unbelievers, since marriage is not a church ordinance, but a “creation ordinance” (Westminster Confession 24.3). This position is what the Christian Church has always believed and never doubted until recently.

The division and confusion among believers over this is not coming from those defending traditional, biblical marriage; the schism is being caused by those spreading error. God’s Word makes clear that there are places that a Christian must never be seen (1 Cor 8:10; 10:14, 21). Attending a gay wedding is a twenty-first century version of a pagan worship ritual, an idolatrous ceremony at today’s LGBTQ altar.

How then do we reach our lost LGBTQ friends and loved ones, for whom our hearts break and our tears flow? We must reach them the same way we reach any lost soul—not by pragmatic compromise, but by faithful proclamation of both God’s Law and gospel, calling them to repentance and faith (Matt 3:2; 4:17; Acts 17:30; 20:21), and leaving the results in God’s hands.

While we cannot signify any approval of homosexuality, we can still prayerfully find dozens of ways to keep blessing, befriending, and loving our gay friends and family and seeking to tell them of the only Savior for sinners (Matt 9:36–38; Col 4:2–6). We must also take their questions sincerely and give them gospel answers with patience and respect (1 Pet 3:15).

J.

I completely agree with you, @Johann, as I have expressed elsewhere on the forum.

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There is a vast difference between forgotten or unknown, unrepentant sins and willful disregard for what God says not to do. Willfully sinning will not be pardoned, and attending would imply your approval. This is a slippery slope. If one of my children came out, yes, I will love them. No, I will not kick them out if they still live with me. Yet, I will pray for them, talk with them, and try to do anything I can to save them.

Like telling them not to play in traffic, not to play with fire, for they may get hurt of killed, I am not going to sit bnack and silently allow my child to walk into hell. I am not going to walk down that road with them either.

Yes, love her with all your heart. Yes, pray for her. Yes, talk with her. But do not appear to condone her sin. Do not let your love for her cloud your judgment about her well-being.
Peter

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Hey Everybody, We are fighting amongst ourselves. Exactly what satan wants. Scripture is scripture. Take it or leave it. Your decision is your decision. This is an extremely difficult situation. Pray and ask the Lord to direct you. I believe it’s in Proverbs 3:5 a+/-. Lean not on your own understanding but trust in God…

This shouldn’t be a debate… that divides. This is a discussion. Discussions can lead to disagreements. In the end, we must be respectful of each other. Do I hear an Amen?

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